On bigotry: a love letter

Truth in Action Ministries decided to honor the Titanic’s 100th anniversary in a new way: a production of a short film that refers to the “radical homosexual agenda” as the iceberg to America’s Titanic.

So the gays are a bunch of cold, hard sea-floaters who are ultimately responsible for young Leo DiCaprio’s death? Not true — actually, more like flat-out blasphemy. Or maybe this is supposed to reference the fact that you only see a small section of the homosexual population because the rest is too trapped underwater to be seen? Possibly, but awful angsty poetry for a group whose main goal is “transforming our culture for Christ.”

Normally this kind of film is considered highly offensive and deserves rebuttal, but then I realized the hidden agenda of the bigots. The only explanation for all this hate speech is the right-wing desire to give groups such as the staff of the IDS opinion desk, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “The Colbert Report” ample subject material.

Did you see how much mileage we got out of Doug Wilson alone? It was writing gold. When Michele Bachmann was still around mucking up politics? Field day. The list goes on.

Comments range from “gay men have to wear diapers,” to gay marriage is like 9/11, to gays bring about the rise of paganism in the United States, to gays are responsible for the Nazi party. It all can’t be real. No one could think these gross equations and metaphors make sense. Nobody could possibly think that it makes sense to perpetuate the negative consequences that have already come from all this type of dialogue.

But all of the above has been said by American citizens and has also been endorsed by the American public.

So the only logical conclusion is the one I’ve deduced.

People say these outlandish comments because they’re doing their part to help the job crisis — a subject most right-wing conservatives are obsessed about anyway. They want to make sure the staff at the IDS stays employed and that the columnists can prosper by always writing quality articles about gay bashers.

If the haters aren’t people who love to see us write saucy and scathing columns, then I’d say they are the meteor to America’s dinosaurs. But they claim to be nice, caring, god-loving individuals, so this isn’t the case at all.

No, the bigots are just a troupe of phenomenal comedians who depend on us to point out the humor. They are secret little fame whores who are always eager for more laughs.

So, let’s have a toast for the douche bags. Thanks for giving us something to marvel at and for always letting us show you just how humorous you truly can be. You’ve been stoking the IDS’ “gay agenda” for what seems like forever.

Your contributions to the IDS opinion staff and most sane people everywhere will never be forgotten.


­— sjostrow@indiana.edu