Adios, Taco John's

One of IU students’ favorite Residential Programs and Services dining hot spots will no longer be with us after this semester.

Taco John’s was cherished by all. Beloved by many. Worth the long waits. Able to put a smile on the faces of all who encountered it.

This is how we will remember that glorious taco franchise and its heaven-sent potato olés.

Foodies claimed olés were an inauthentic representation of Mexican cuisine. Cynics dismissed them as glorified tater-tots. Health nuts scoffed at their 600 calories of unadulterated goodness.

But we knew the truth. We knew the culinary brilliance contained in those cups. We experienced firsthand the mouth-watering combination of salt on salt on salt. The crunch of their fried exterior. The mushy goodness of their starchy interior.

We knew 54 percent calories from fat meant 54 percent calories of pure joy. We realized that whether our entrée consisted of alfredo pasta, mediocre cheeseburgers or questionably greasy pizza, potato olés were a delicacy, able to complement and enhance any meal.

Hearing a fellow student say he or she had never tried potato olés is akin to Spongebob learning Squidward had never tried a Krabby Patty.

Living in the residence halls and not eating potato olés is a travesty that must be immediately remedied. Olé virgins do not realize what they are missing.

They have never experienced the signature bloated stomach, expanding thighs and happy hearts only a night with a heaping mound of potato olés can provide. They have never truly loved nor lived.

Thanks to RPS’ inability to bend to the whims of the new business model being implemented by the glorious chain that is Taco John’s, future classes of IU will consist of olé virgins, destined to live the entirety of their collegiate lives in pleasure-free desperation.

Protest is now futile. Any tears shed will be in vain. Only one logical course of action remains in this difficult and depressing time.

Grab your friends and hustle your soon-to-be-large booties to Taco John’s. Voraciously consume as many cups of potato olés as you can handle at speeds never seen before.

Hurry. Go. Now.