Feeding us fetuses?

Today brings more bad news for those people who identify as advocates of both pro-choice and recycling.

Oklahoma state Sen. Ralph Shortey, R-Oklahoma City, has introduced Senate bill 1418 which will prohibit the consumption of fetuses inside the state.

Excluding the legal-speak, which establishes the number and legitimacy of the bill, it is a terse 42-word proposal.

It reads, “No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.”

This raises a lot of uncomfortable questions: Is fetus-eating a huge problem in Oklahoma? What are the secret ingredients in KFC? Now where am I going to get my daily fetus smoothies?

Shortey has since taken the time to explain his reasoning, presumably still reeling from the sound of a million voices crying out, “What the hell?”

He initially became concerned after reading an article on the Internet about a process developed by Senomyx and employed by companies nationwide.

Senomyx employs a process which NPR describes as, “essentially an automated taste test.” The controversy comes from Senomyx’s patent, which mentions HEK 239, a common stem cell line derived from human kidneys.

Seeing no problem with passing legislation based on things written in obscure corners of the Internet, Shortley immediately sprang into action to uphold the values of the largely anti-baby-eating populace, presumably while vowing to be stopped by neither the powerful and influential enemies he was about to make, nor rational thought and common sense. 

The origins of this rumor can be traced back to the Christian abortion group Children of God for Life.  

CoGfL has accused companies such as PepsiCo, Nestlé and Kraft of producing food developed with stem cell research.

Considering the biblical quote, “Take, eat, this is my body,” they presumably object to any competing forms of cannibalism.

In truth, neither Senomyx nor any of the companies which use its products are actually using aborted fetuses. Senomyx has responded by publicizing the details of its patent, and it was met with approval by peer review.

Meanwhile, Pepsi issued its own statement responding to the accusations of using human fetal tissue.

“That is both inaccurate and something we would never do or even consider,” Pepsi said. “That’s dangerous, unethical and against the law.”   Coca-Cola, on the other hand, has remained suspiciously silent about their secret formula.

Sure, it’s probably not made with human fetuses, but then again, they would want you to think that.

Shortey stands by his proposal. “The question now before us is — is it ethical to then use that aborted child for research and development to enhance flavors in food?”

Truly food for thought.

In other news, The Oklahoma Board of Tourism should consider alternative slogans to replace its once proud motto.

Oklahoma: Come for the weather, stay for the baby-burgers.

­— stefsoko@indiana.edu