No I apologize

Dear IDS sports journalists, journalists in general, fans, fair-weather fans, faculty, students, the kid sitting next to me in class,

I am sorry. I am sorry for losing. I am sorry that you don’t get to read happy headlines, celebrate after a game or wear IU apparel in prominence to your peers who attend other schools because of my team’s athletic outcomes.

I am sorry I am not an All-American or Big Ten player of the year. I am sorry you think my team has no hope for success.

I am sorry for your ignorance. I am sorry you have no idea how committed I am to my team. I am sorry you don’t know how much hard work I put into my respective sport and academics.

I am sorry you don’t know what it feels like to almost die daily at 6 a.m. workouts and then continue with a packed schedule of classes, meetings and practices until 8 p.m.

I am sorry you think your life is busy. I am sorry you have never missed the final point in a game. I am sorry you thought that midterm you just took was “pressure”. I am sorry you will never feel the pride of wearing Indiana University across your chest and never feel the sad sickness when you do not make the name proud.

That name is what I work for. It is what I love. I am sorry you will never know what this passion feels like, a passion for something bigger than myself. I am sorry you don’t know how much your words hurt me. I am sorry some professors think by making a joke about a team, they are immune to adding to the stereotypical barriers they teach us to tear down.

I am sorry you are inhibiting our potential. I am sorry I am not the best role model. I am sorry you are not, either.

I am sorry you might feel attacked by this letter. I am sorry I felt inclined to write it, but I am not sorry that I am not sorry.

As a senior student athlete, I look at the time, hard work, and dedication I have full-heartedly put into my career here, and I am not sorry about it.

I am sorry some of you have ignorantly let people and moments pass you by and not embraced these quickly passing years as much as I have.

For you, I am sorry.

— Mary Chaudoin