Mumbling: the real language barrier

Given the many different cultures and ethnicities of the United States, an assorted collection of languages is unavoidable.

The U.S. is home to more than 300 distinct languages, yet we live in one of the few countries that does not have an official language.

Supporters of the “Official English” movement believe America should declare English its official language, which would essentially force non-English-speaking immigrants into a sink-or-swim situation.

Others say immigrants should have the right to language assistance until they can learn English.

This is an issue many Americans are passionate about. Rather than debate which language policy is best, I’d like to address a more pressing concern: people who don’t speak any language at all.

And no, I’m not talking about people who speak French, Spanish, German, Chinese or even Elvish. I’m talking about “mumblers.”

We all run into these people every once in a while. I was walking down Third Street the other day when I passed two people who seemed to be in the middle of a dispute.
I can’t be sure, though, since all I could make out from the conversation was a series of muddled grunts and snorts.

It sounded just like any other argument, except it was composed entirely of gibberish.
It was as if someone poured all 26 letters from A to Z into a blender and mixed them together into some sort of alphabet purée.

These people made Mike Tyson sound like Shakespeare.

This kind of linguistic failure goes way beyond any communication barrier due to a foreign language or accent.

I have a professor with a moderate British accent, but it doesn’t take long before my ears adapt to his voice, and I can understand him just fine.

When people are speaking a foreign language around me, I may not be able to understand what they’re saying, but at least their words can be translated into a language I can understand.

The tendency to mumble could progress into full-blown nonsense if not controlled.
As a part-time mumbler myself, I realize the danger I put myself in if I never focus on speaking clearly.

I guess babbling is only cute when babies do it. Actually, it’s not even that cute coming from babies; they drool all over themselves and stuff. Luckily, most people grow out of this phase, but those who don’t will never be taken seriously.

If nobody can understand you, they won’t take the time to figure out what you’re trying
to say.

Record yourself during a conversation, and when you listen to it later, see if you can make out what you’re saying. If you sound like Chewbacca trying to yodel, you should probably slow down a little and take the time to enunciate your words. If parrots can do it, so can you.

­— aleblakl@indiana.edu