From speedometers to feedometers

Oak Park, Ill., officials say they will consider adding an explicit ban on eating and drinking while on the road in order to reduce the amount of distracted driving. The ban is a reaction to studies that say multitasking increases the risk of wrecks and
accidents.

Though other Chicago suburbs have considered similar proposals, it seems a little alarming to think that soon, our fast food stops won’t be so safe anymore.

When considering the possibility that distractions could be made illegal, you have to address it with some sense of humor.

If this law were to catch fire and spread, you’d soon be wandering through suburbia and wanting McDonald’s, only to find yourself pulled over, clocked at three chicken nuggets per mile.

Distracted drivers would be caught by feedometer traps as cops stake out every Wendy’s and White Castle to pull you over mid-french fry.

Though no one would disagree that distractions while driving are a risk to one’s safety, few would consent to an ordained law that would disable them from drinking Starbucks
on their way to work.

What else would we consider to be ‘distracted driving’? As a local
describes in the Chicago Tribune, “If you take it to the extreme, you could say having kids in the car is a distraction,” he said. “But what are you going to do? Some people have to have kids in the car.”

Some things can be monitored, and some things can’t. It’s unfortunate that many drivers lack the common sense to pay attention while they drive, but making common sense a law won’t help solve the problem in any way. It would only inconvenience police forces and locals alike.

What about truck drivers? What about road trips? What about every single on-the-go mom bringing her four kids to a drive-thru between rehearsals and soccer practices?

The technicalities create complications, and before we know it, someone is going to be patenting hands-free eating devices. Machines that allow you to imbibe fountain drinks long distances without reaching for the cup will soon be the newest technology.

Think about child mufflers administered by local law enforcement. Not only will the futility of drive-throughs come up, but the idea of stopping so many drivers should probably tip off the powers-that-be to the non-practicality of outlawing all driving
distractions.