Did The Onion take it too far with their #CongressHostage story?

The satirical news publication The Onion created a stir last week when it falsely tweeted, “Witnesses reporting screams and gunfire heard inside Capitol building.”

This tweet was followed 10 minutes later by another that claimed members of Congress were holding schoolchildren hostage.

These tweets were in promotion for an Onion article about members of Congress holding students hostage and demanding $12 trillion for their ransom.

Where does the controversy come in? Well, apparently some people didn’t realize The Onion was joking.

Let’s institute some rules to be memorized before one is allowed to navigate the complicated, confusing world of the Internet:

1) Don’t respond to emails from Nigerian princes asking you to transfer them money in exchange for untold riches upon their arrivals to the United States.

2) “17-year-old female” really means a lonely, obese, 55-year-old Trekkie.

3) Facebook is for those younger than 35. Once you are 35, delete your Facebook. No one cares about your mid-level management job and four bratty kids.

And lastly, 4) The Onion is not a legitimate news outlet. It is comedy, which means you laugh at it, which means you don’t take it seriously.

The Onion currently has an article with the headline “Bill Belichick Forgets About Loss By Relaxing In Bathtub Filled With Warm Entrails.” Mr. Belichick better call his lawyers before this slanderous claim taints his outstanding reputation.

The New York Times reports the U.S. Capitol Police are investigating The Onion for making the false reports on Twitter. How much investigation is involved for such a thing?

We can wrap up the entire investigation for them without blinking once: We know what was tweeted, we know it is false and we know The Onion is not in the business of making true claims.

Our professional experience leads us to believe this is a classic case of a non-issue.

We can’t imagine this investigation lasting more than five minutes and concluding any other way than everyone involved with the investigation feeling like complete boobs.

The Internet, with all of its knowledge-disseminating beauty, is also the biggest gathering of gullible fools in the entire history of the galaxy.

But, alas, this is the world we live in. It doesn’t hurt to laugh at it.