NPR and Planned Parenthood revealed to be socialist ploys

If Joseph Stalin were still alive today, he would be proud of the progress the United States has made in the Department of Socialist Ploys.

Being a far-left extremist, I am a frequent visitor to the National Public Library of Socialism located beneath the DC Metro lines.

I’ve become familiar with nearly all of the past, present and future socialist conspiracies that have been, are or will be underway in the United States.

According to a Wikipedia page I just created and some redacted papers I found in the library, the “Abortions, Propaganda and High Gas Prices for All Act” passed the NATO super-congress in 1998.

It is our most vast (and my favorite) left-wing conspiracy, and it has made a profoundly liberal impact on the country.

The conspiracy attacks the very soul of our soon-to-be secular nation by re-routing the hard-earned money of the rich away from oil company subsidies. Instead, this money is funneled into the two cornerstones of the secret, transnational leftist government: Planned Parenthood and National Public Radio.

All liberals know that in order to crush the capitalist spirit of a nation, one must attack the petroleum industry relentlessly (as well as the rich, of course).

This can be achieved any number of ways, but one of the more subtle and effective methods is to starve the beast by denying it the God-given right to billions of dollars of government subsidies.

The Act kills two birds with one stone. Rather than simply wasting the subsidy money in another sector of government, it wastes taxpayer money effectively through the creation of propaganda and by providing free abortions.

U.S. Senator Jon Kyl, R-Ariz. said abortions account for 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does. I’d hazard a guess that all 90 percent of those abortions are paid for by the government (but don’t quote me on that one). I like those statistics.

Item numero uno (that’s “number one” for our conservative readers) on the left-wing agenda is to limit population growth in order to slow global warming.

The Act was decided upon as the best method for capping population growth, as we were all scared conservatives might realize “Cap and Trade” really refers to newborn babies rather than carbon credits. Our efforts seem to be succeeding.

A recent USA Today article cites statistics showing that white children younger than three are the minority in many states, and my gut tells me that’s related to our plan (but again … don’t quote me on that). While I am a big liberal socialist, I am still open-minded.

For instance, Stephen Colbert, a well-respected conservative thinker, taught me how to listen to my gut. And you should take note.

Those squirmy noises your gut makes after you eat Penn Station aren’t simply a slow breakdown of grease and carbohydrates. They’re a new socialist plot brewing.

­— cbabcoc@idsnews.com


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This is a radish article. It should be taken as satire and not actual opinion