‘No Strings’ attached to clichés

Natalie Portman starred in a great film this year. Unfortunately, “No Strings Attached” is not that film.

The movie opens with a camp scene where two loner teenagers awkwardly try to converse. He’s a spoiled loser, and she’s a robot. The two meet multiple times during the next few years (except they have turned into Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman).

Portman is a busy doctor who’s afraid of relationships, so she eventually proposes that the two just have mindless sex all the time. Kutcher doesn’t mind, until (spoiler alert!) he suddenly wants to spend the night and cuddle. It might be a little more interesting if Kutcher didn’t play (is it acting?) such a dope.

The best romantic comedies are the ones that subvert the standard clichés of the genre. “No Strings Attached” revels in those clichés. It has emotionless sex with those clichés, until it realizes that it actually loves them.

So when you have to pick a Natalie Portman movie this year, go with “Black Swan” and skip this waste of time.