Coco's best moments

Like a lost lover returning home from the war and leaping into our arms, Conan O’Brien will return to our homes via cable television Nov. 8.

Here at WEEKEND we’ve compiled a list of some of the best Conan moments that haven’t been removed from the Internet.

We recommend you prep for the premiere of Conan with these moments from the man’s glorious, romantic golden days so you can avoid that awkward reintroduction phase and hop right back into bed with your red-coiffed lover upon his arrival home.

“In the Year 2000” with David Duchovny
“The lost comic strips of Charles M. Schulz will be discovered, in which Charlie Brown kicks the football, Linus abandons his blanket and Peppermint Patty finally whips it out.”

One of Conan’s best recurring skits, this David Duchovny edition is not only one of the few available online, but it is also one of the funniest.

Anytime you can frame a skit around La Bamba belting out “in the year two thousaaand” in falsetto and leave people more amused than annoyed, you know it must be good stuff. 

Among others worth checking out are the Kelsey Grammer and Jim Carrey editions and the first “In the Year 2000” of “The Tonight Show,” where William Shatner makes an appearance.

Arnold Schwarzenegger weighs in on immigration
“Conan, these Chinabots and Mexiborgs will come here in time machines, clone our jobs and beam them back to the future. Yah!”

There was another recurring skit made better by the simplicity of its concept.

Conan would announce that a guest would be visiting the show, only to have a still photo of that guest appear on a screen with a hole cut out to insert an impersonator’s mouth. The Ah-nold version is still making its rounds on the Internet, which is good
because it’s one of our favorites.
 
The Masturbating Bear with Jim Carrey
“If there’s something we did for a long time that we’ve established as ours, we’ll figure out a way to do it ... I won’t be denied my Masturbating Bear!”

An absolute favorite of Conan fans that was genius in its simplicity was the Masturbating Bear. It was invited onto the show for a laundry list of reasons, but each time he would inevitably break down into furious bouts of self-pleasure, and each time he would end up being tased by his handlers.

This year, the skit became somewhat of a rallying cry for Conan’s supporters in the media during his messy departure from NBC when it was revealed that the network would be keeping its rights to this sketch as well as some other fan favorites.

Some sites are still posting this version where the man in the bear costume was revealed to be Jim Carrey, but you’ll have to search hard to find it.

In lieu of this particular sketch though, feel free to settle  for any of Carrey’s appearances on the show, whether it’s in the form of interviews or his role as Conan in the made-for-the-show biopic, “The Conan O’Brien Story.”

“Conan O’Brien Hates My Homeland,” Finland Edition
“(Japan,) last century, you brutally defeated China and Russia. This century, you make Hello Kitty toasters.”

After receiving some angry letters from the Ukraine referring to mutant Ukrainians created after the Chernobyl accident, this sketch was born. So at a rate of five nations per bit, Conan rips off the international insults in an effort to bring in more hate mail and discover what other countries his show airs in.

For some reason, this version, where Conan reads off hate mail he’s received from Finland, is the only one available online, but it’ll do. Conan, realizing his core audience is Finnish and honoring them by pledging his hatred for Sweden, is too good to pass up.

The “Walker, Texas Ranger” Lever
“Walker told me I have AIDS.”

Anyone who’s ever spent an afternoon watching old “Walker” reruns for their unintentional comedic value has Conan and this bit to thank. The best of these clips combines Haley Joel Osment, Wilford Brimley and AIDS. Luckily, it’s still widely available online along with the others.