The hood in ‘The Hills’

Let me explain that headline. We all know “The Hills” is famous for its glamorous portrayals of girls with fake PR-ish jobs at top-notch companies (Lauren at Teen Vogue, Audrina at Epic Records).  Rather than working, these girls are shown at dinner not eating lots of food in front of them at the swankiest restaurants in El Lay, then going out to a bar with staged drama. Ah, scripted television.

What sets apart the first episode of the sixth and final season of “The Hills” is that for once, the girls are not being polite, but being real. The producers, in an entertaining twist to keep things interesting since Lauren’s departure (she has since written two sixth-grade reading level New York Times bestselling novels), have the new head honcho, Kristin, hanging with Audrina, Lo, Stephanie Pratt and Heidi Doll like they are BFFs.

In real life, we’ve heard tabloid reports of Kristin doing coke and seen pictures of Heidi being injected in the face numerous times. The first episode’s plot line brilliantly aligns with the aforementioned “real life” stuff. Half the episode is dedicated to Heidi Doll’s mama ragging on her new face when she goes home to Colorado to visit.

(Momma Heidi: “You need me to put that burger in a blender for you?”)

The other half shows the new BFFs chilling in a Miami for a little vaca. They confront Kristin on her “drug problem.”

(Lo: “People are, like, talking about you. It, like, smells in here. They say you’re doing crack.”)

These girls have gotten officially gotten hood. I can only hope the rest of the season follows the same formula that this premiere episode set up so perfectly.