The name game

Last week, a group of Russian scientists released a paper published by the journal Physical Review Letters that they had created a minute amount of an element temporarily dubbed “ununseptium,” which roughly translates to “117-ness” in Latin.

The word ununseptium has all the sexiness and marketing appeal of Brussels sprouts. I think scientists can do better than just taking the most obvious aspect of a discovery and finding a Latin translation.

There’s two directions the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry, which oversees the periodic table of elements, can take when naming this new element. For one, they could name it after some important scientist or research institution, such as Berkelium for the University of California-Berkeley.

On the other more business-savvy hand, the IUPAC could solicit ideas from interested parties trying to land their name on a prominent scientific discovery. While some might denounce this practice as scientific lobbying, I see absolutely no reason why science shouldn’t reach out to the Kelley crowd.

Firstly, naming scientific discoveries after celebrities has long been acceptable. A rather large menagerie of animals and plants have been named for famous figures in history and pop culture.

For instance, Phialella zappai, a jellyfish, is named after musician Frank Zappa. Agathidium vaderi, a rather large and intimidating beetle, is named after Darth Vader. Go figure.

The most compelling argument doesn’t come from an ethical perspective but rather a financial one. If there’s one thing business does well, it’s making money. If there’s one thing science doesn’t do well, it’s finding funding.

I don’t know about you, but I see potential for a very beneficial symbiotic relationship between two vastly different human enterprises. Lobbying has worked for hundreds of years in politics, where businessmen and politicians exchange steak dinners for beneficial legislation.

The possibilities for Element 117 are quite large. After polling a few of my friends, here are some of the suggestions they came up with as to what exactly we should call ununseptium.

One suggested Microsoft purchase the naming rights for ununseptium as a marketing ploy. One of the most popular games for Microsoft’s Xbox 360 is the Halo series. The main character in Halo is Master Chief, a super soldier with serial number 117. Perhaps, as a tribute to the hero, Microsoft stipulates ununseptium is now “Spartanium.”

Another friend suggested the world’s richest man, Carlos Slim, purchase the naming rights element solely as a publicity stunt. After all, Telmexium does flow rather well. If anything, it would prevent James Cameron from naming the element unobtanium. I wouldn’t put it past him.

The only downside of this modest proposal is the timeframe involved. While many business decisions rely on relevance and timeliness, scientists don’t operate with the same mindset. According to the New York Times, Element 112 was first observed in 1996 but was given its new name — copernicium — only this past February.

While Element 117 will probably end up being named Hawkingium or something monumentally boring like that, we can always hope Walmartium will one day appear on periodic tables everywhere.


E-mail: halderfe@indiana.edu