Staff discussion

Is Facebook stalking true-blue stalking? Or is it just a playful way to pass time? Or simply a product of this social media-centric generation? In a mass e-mail, the WEEKEND staff debated this very issue. What follows is that (slightly edited) conversation.

Cory Barker:
So we’re doing the FB issue, and there’s been some discussion about “stalking” people on Facebook. So I wanted to start a little conversation if we could and then we’d put it up online based on your thoughts. So, is Facebook stalking okay or something we should take more seriously?

Megan Clayton:
It depends on your definition of stalking. If you go to someone’s profile and look through their information every day, then yeah, that’s a problem. But if you meet someone and go to their page to check them out, I think that’s all right. I mean, I’ve done that.

Doug Evans:
I don’t think looking at a person’s page every day (or stalking as Megan refers to it) is a problem. I look at Cory’s page every day and he doesn’t seem to mind/know.

Cory Barker:
But doesn’t the fact that a person – me, in this example – is unaware of the looking of the profile make it kinda not okay? How is that different than looking through the window? Is it all based on the fact that by signing up for Facebook we give up the “personal space” rights we have if we’re say, in our apartments?

Megan Clayton:
I think there are different levels of “Not OK” behavior. Doug says he goes to Cory’s profile every day, but that’s probably not because he has a gay crush on Cory; it’s probably because Cory posts a bunch of stuff from Weekend Watchers and WEEKEND and his profile is a legit source of news and links.

However, if he goes to Cory’s profile every day to look at his photos or check his relationship status, I think I’d classify that as stalking.

Stephanie Kuschel:
Facebook stalking is creepy. Period. It’s wrong, addictive, sleazy and oh so fun. I guess if you put information up for people to see it, you have to face the consequences that they may actually look at it. But when newly added “Facebook friends” (the distinction between Facebook friends and friends has to be made) start commenting on outdated pictures of you from eons ago, you know they’ve been doing some digging. JEEPERS CREEPERS!

But really, Facebook thrives on that little tendency in all of us to want to know what other people are doing...and when it feels like a guilty pleasure, it’s because it is.

Paul Mattingly:
I have never really gotten the “Facebook stalking” idea. People go out of their way to post every little detail about their life. I’m just not convinced that it’s wrong to view someone’s profile and look at their info, interests, etc...They put up that info assuming people DO want to know or are interested. I do agree with Megan that looking up someone every day is weird and pretty creepy, but I think viewing someone’s profile is, in general, completely fine.

Facebook has kind of blurred the lines of creepiness anyway. Someone may technically be a “friend” with someone on Facebook (perhaps a friend of a friend of someone they know well) and meet them at a party. When they’re introduced, they assume they don’t know each other. 

But then once they hear their full name, they remember seeing them on their news feed and seeing their status updates.  Suddenly it’s like, “Oh right, Karen. How was your sociology final yesterday? And I’m sorry about the Bears. By the way, I think your comment on how Owl City is the worst band of all time is spot on.”

Chad Quandt:
Anything on FB should be considered fair game. Granted, repeatedly checking someone’s profile and following all of their conversations is a little strange, but that should be in the minority of people. If someone chooses to put information up on their profile, they can’t be shocked or freaked out that people check it out.

Learning favorite films and music isn’t really anything you won’t find out from the first or second time hanging out with someone. It’s a double-bladed sword. For all the casual meetings that the college lifestyle gives us, its a great way to have a quick snapshot of that person’s basic interests and personality. If someone writes “reading is for queers” under their favorite books, I don’t have to waste time getting to know them from there.

Where “stalking” comes into play is using Facebook as your only means of a connection between someone else. If you meet some nice lady at a party, share a few words, and then spend the next three years commenting on her status updates. THAT’S bad.

People seem to generally use FB for two different uses: sending messages that aren’t appropriate of a phone call or e-mail to friends OR finding new friends and building relationships. The latter is a small minority and are generally considered weird. They’re not creepy (except for this one guy I went to high school with who’s every comment suggests a diaper fetish), they’re just trying to use the site in a way its main user base doesn’t want.

Rachel Kransnow:
The definition of Facebook “stalking” seems super fuzzy to me. How can you can call it stalking when you have chosen to add these people as your “friends” (choice one) put up pictures of who knows what (choice two) and allow whoever to see it (choice three).

The point is, if you don’t want people to see certain parts of you, don’t put it up on Facebook. We’re meant to be “stalked”- that’s the way Facebook is set up. You can find as much information as you want on people and privacy settings allow you to block things from specific people. If you’re getting paranoid, hit up the privacy settings.

As for me, I don’t really want to know who’s been creeping on me. Because I’d be embarrassed if everybody knew I’d been hitting up all of their pics. That’s the whole mystery of Facebook – you’ll never really know who’s been stalking you.

Stefania Marghitu:
All I know is this whole “Find ur stalkr” application craziness and the fact that FB posts everything I do, even if I can erase it on my wall, really gives me the creeps. And I hate it when I realize that a lot of stuff I’ve said on Facebook,, whether through message, status updates or even chat, are things I would have probably not been able to say in real life. Same with texting and any other non face to face communication. Stuff like this just shows how socially inept our generation can be.

Steven Arroyo:
Facebook offers us so much for free that we openly ignore how it puts us at risk. We are so infatuated with extreme convenience that we forfeit our values, which at first may not seem like a big sacrifice given the benefits, but can seem downright suicidal once “vulnerable” is slowly spelled out in front of us like leaving your front door wide open every night.

I see 3 steps between safe, defensive Facebooking and loudly begging the world to stalk you and everyone you know. How many people put unnecessary and impractical information on their pages? Leave all their pictures tagged?  Have minimal privacy settings? If you do the opposite of all this, you’ve probably smartly considered what that all could lead to, although you’re probably smart enough to know you’re still not totally protected.

Otherwise, in a few clicks, I can obtain extensive contact info for your 2001 softball team, your 3rd cousin from Beijing, or your direct family. I can learn your favorite TV show, your favorite dinosaur, your 27th favorite band, or that your Cubs season tickets are row 14, seats 107-110.  I can do this easily. Bosses will do this easily. Dave from Akron, Ohio can do it.

When I first coughed up my personal info to Facebook, I never closely considered the worst case scenario because I immediately knew 2 things: it was too ugly to think about, and it would be extremely unlikely...so I closed my eyes, repeated “convenient” to myself, and hit submit. Facebook is like sex: abstinence is the only way that’s 100% safe and we all know it.  Just by participating, I think we’re all saying that to some degree, we accept being stalked - call that what you will.

Kristy Brannon:
I think when you say “Facebook stalking” it means to look up a person’s information so you know things about them that you don’t want to have to ask (sometimes because now that we have Facebook it would be almost embarrassing to ask like age or year in school) I think it’s okay, this information is stuff that they put up about themselves for everyone to see. When you talk about looking up a person’s Facebook obsessively or using the information you got to be creepy somehow then I think that becomes actual stalking, which I would argue is a completely separate term that is something to take seriously.

Kasey DeVore:
Personally, I think “stalking” your friends that you have in real life is strange – even if they are just friends from class or whatever. That being said, stalking old classmates from your high school now and then to make yourself feel better about yourself – that is completely, totally acceptable.

Cory Barker:
On Kasey’s point: But we know that there are millions of people who probably do “stalk” their “real-life” friends. Why actually call them or meet up with them when you go home to see what’s up when you can just look at them on FB? Sure, that might be fun, but is it alright for you? It might not seem like a problem now, but THINK OF THE CHILDREN (you’re a prospective teach!) -- an 8-year old who grows up with FB and future iterations might never feel the urge to talk to people. Problem? [just playing devil’s advocate here]

It also seems like a lot of you are hinging on the “we choose to put it up here so it’s fine” point but then also noting that excessive viewing/following is “creepy.” This is what I’m talking about. Isn’t “creepy” a problem? I feel like it is.

On Steven’s point: All true, we can prevent this in many ways. And we do choose to friend people or whatever. But just like all the studies that say we’re raped and attacked by those closest to us, isn’t it possible that it is these people we know that are stalking us the most and perhaps confusing a previous real-life connection with a now-digital one?

Is there anything we can really do? Or are we just subject to whatever happens inside our zone of friends because we’ve accepted them? Is there anything else Facebook should do?