In defense of the English language

The Fox show “Family Guy” received attention this week for including a joke about former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s 22-month-old son, Trig, who suffers from Down syndrome, a chromosomal disorder that impairs mental development.

Although the word “retard” has lately taken on a derogatory connotation, it is still the best way to describe Trig’s status.

The word “retard” might or might not offend you, but I can say from personal experience that it has taken on a pejorative meaning. Nearly every time I have used the word retard to describe retards, people have assaulted me with glares and sneers. This is a tragic wrong turn for the English language.

Regrettably, the cabal of the “politically correct” has hijacked the word retard and turned it into a dirty and ineffable word. However, retard has neutral beginnings, with no negative undertones.

The word retard is a diagnostic catchall phrase that encompasses terms like developmental disability, low IQ, mental retardation, behavior problems, Down syndrome, Prader-Willi syndrome, Angelman syndrome and phenylketonuria.

It is short, easy and objective. Retard is a straightforward two-syllable word that (in its different forms) functions as a noun, adjective and verb. Unlike other diagnostic medical terms, which have ridden the euphemism “treadmill” and become taboo, retard should be preserved because of its elementary perfection. Other neutral expressions like “idiot,” “imbecile” and “moron” began as diagnostic terms but became derogatory as well. Retard is too simple and too perfect to become taboo. It must persevere.

The PC Gestapo might be trying to prevent malicious verbal attacks, but its invisible social restrictions inadvertently limit and destroy the English language. According to William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White’s Elements of Style, writers should “prefer the standard to the offbeat.”

The PC Gestapo forces casual English users to debase the language by replacing the standard retard with offbeat, cumbersome, polysyllabic compound platitudes. Strunk and White probably roll over in their graves every time someone utters “mentally handicapped” or “developmentally disabled.”

Let us preserve the diminishing sanctity of the English language. After all, the politically correct seem to control the language rather than its historic roots. Take racial descriptions for example. The PC Gestapo cycled through the terms “nigger,” “negro,” “colored,” “black” and finally contented themselves with “African-American.”

Why fix something that’s not broken? Humans define words’ connotations. We are responsible for any and all negative connotations. One way to eliminate every vestige of hate from language is to use a word as its denotation prescribes. So, let’s use the word retard for retards. What a novel idea.

When you say retard, don’t think of it as a cross to bear. Rather, think of it as a joyful Joycean mortification. Take pleasure as people smirk and jeer. You are the custodian and upholder of the English language. You are preserving the language Shakespeare used to write his plays and wax poetic.

Would Shakespeare be burdened with heavy words like “mentally handicapped”? Of course not. Have the chutzpah to say it loud and say it proud.

And the next time you trip on a bundle of sticks, call them a “faggot.”


E-mail: yzchaudh@indiana.edu