Get out, fast!

I was sitting at Wright, minding my own business, when I heard it.

“You’re a stupid whore.”

Pause.

“Baby, I was just kidding.”

Instantly, I recognized it: the mating call of an unhealthy relationship.

This wasn’t my first time hearing the call. In fact, it echoes across campus. You just have to listen for it. I’ve heard it in hallways and classrooms, on dorm floors and at parties. I’ve listened to half of its utterance on the way home from class as frantic lovers cry complaints and apologies into a cell phone, vowing to change everything just to make it work.

How about letting it end?

The fact is, when it comes to relationships, we are far too easily satisfied. 

Studies claim that 59 to 66 percent of college students have been in a couple where one half is unfaithful.  And 36 percent of never-married undergrads claim to have been victims of abuse – physical, verbal, emotional or otherwise – while dating. Though many are wise and leave their toxic romances as soon as possible, many more don’t.

We’ve all seen it – and not just as eavesdropping observers. A close friend of mine is in a terribly unhealthy relationship. And though he recognizes it for what it is, he won’t call it off. He’s subtly manipulated and made to feel guilty. The weight of time is all that’s keeping him in it. And it’s awful to watch, because these relationships tend to end in two distinct ways: badly, or in marriage.

Both are unacceptable.

The 50 percent divorce rate in America doesn’t seem so outrageous when we look at how many awful college couples are out there. It’s weird. We put so much effort into preserving dating relationships that shouldn’t last, but once we make a commitment, we find it easy to leave. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Bad relationships are made to end, not to turn into committed ones. They aren’t supposed to be worked out because there’s nothing worth fighting for.

This doesn’t mean that forgiveness can’t enter a broken relationship. People do make mistakes sometimes. But true forgiveness can only enter a healthy relationship. Reconciliation needs a foundation. Forgiveness in an unhealthy context is really just excusing. It involves permitting and overlooking unacceptable actions. That doesn’t bring healing or change. It just perpetuates the problem.

A breakup is not something to fear. Your partner is not your identity. You can live without them. Just put some sad song lyrics in your Facebook status and move on. Acknowledge your experience for what it was – a bad decision that shouldn’t be tried again. Don’t stick it out.

The biggest problem with bad relationships is that they keep us from experiencing good ones. Without saying goodbye, we can’t say hello to something new and better. You deserve to be respected and loved.

If someone calls you a “stupid whore,” there are some serious questions that should enter your mind, and probably words like “goodbye” that should exit your mouth.