University Eats

In my first column of the year, I admonished readers to step away from their microwaves, get out into Bloomington and try some of our wonderful local restaurants.

After poring over this issue’s restaurant guide, I’m sure you’re all going to take my advice and sample some of what our town has to offer.

Right?

Dining out is usually an enjoyable experience for me – but there are some things my fellow diners do that make me want to leap, superhero-like, over the table or across rows of chairs and throttle them with my bare hands. One of my biggest peeves? Really loud people.

Although I’m known for having a laugh that puts hyenas to shame, I don’t bust it out in the middle of any decent dining establishment.

There’s a place for unrestrained chortling and half-yelled conversations, and that place is in a bar at 2 a.m. after everyone within earshot is thoroughly soused. What’s worse is patrons don’t usually have a lot of control over silencing other noisy guests unless they want to encourage the raucous behavior or end up taking matters outside.

While annoying strangers might be a permanent blight on your restaurant experience, dining companions can be guilty of some pretty annoying – but fixable – stuff.

Have you ever had a friend offer to “split the bill,” only they took the offer to mean they could leave you with two measly slices of an eight-slice pizza? I usually fix this problem by piling my share of food on my plate at the beginning of the meal and then just asking for a box at the end.

It’s definitely less passive-aggressive to let the person you’re eating with know about their obnoxious habit, but nothing kills a relationship faster than honesty.
Sometimes the person you’re eating with will want to switch tables ad infinitum because the current one is too close to the door, too dark or too close to the kitchen. When I go out, however, this person is usually my mother.

I’ve tried explaining that she’s embarrassing me and annoying the wait staff, but she just soldiers on to the point where I’m reduced to exchanging commiserating eyerolls with the man or woman handling us.

Under tipping or just not tipping is another annoying behavior that most people have displayed at one point or another.

Indiana doesn’t have minimum wage laws for workers who make tips, so if you don’t tip in a restaurant you’re most likely consigning the waiter or waitress to making less than minimum wage for the hard hours they spent restraining themselves from punching you in the face.