Cine'cism

Why are they doing this to us?

Why is Disney mocking us by re-releasing the first two “Toy Story” films in theaters? Both of the classics are now being reissued in 3-D, and with it comes the increased ticket price, and for any true lovers of the franchise, some potential lawsuits.

RealD 3-D can be remarkably artistic when applied in films like “Coraline,” an unnecessary, yet glamorous distraction in “Monsters vs. Aliens” and a noticeable, but otherwise inconsequential addition to films like “Up.”

I’ve given up making predictions about “Avatar,” the first live action 3-D film that can be taken seriously, but as always, I’m not optimistic. I will say, however, that the application of 3-D to a film not originally made in 3-D, namely “Toy Story,” is an awful idea.

Unlike another technological upgrade such as surround sound and widescreen, 3-D brings with it the necessity to animate, direct and even interpret differently, creating the illusion of depth, a third plane and spatial dimension all on screen. If this process is being stapled to a completed film, the 3-D is no more than a gimmick.

When Woody and Buzz are being whipped around by Slinky on the back of the truck, the toys will unnecessarily extend out toward the audience. And in the famous Woody and Buzz flight scene, they will not be gracefully gliding through the air, but awkwardly floating above the audience’s head.

This is an atrocity, a laceration of a classic work of animation. It sickens me that people will pay extra for a gimmick when they can watch the film in the comfort of their own home. They also will not have to sit through a double feature, a concept of which I can’t imagine many children discovering the film for the first time will be ready to tolerate.

And if this is not for kids, then this is specifically for the brainwashed teens and adults that believe 3-D is a good thing. For every great Pixar movie that gets mature people to take one step forward, Disney and Dreamworks are getting everyone to take two steps back.

If this marketing ploy is successful, it will be the first in terms of 3-D, and it will not be the last. Whether it is a good thing or not, 3-D is invading the culture, and before long, all films will be made in 3-D, and remakes will not be far off.

Altering a film in this way is as bad as adding color to a black and white film; the artistry is ruined. Imagine if the recently released 70th Anniversary addition of “The Wizard of Oz” had the opening Kansas sequence in color and the rest of the time spent in Oz would be in 3-D. Dorothy would look like she was standing in front of a giant hologram of the Yellow Brick Road that created the illusion of depth, and we’d all think someone had gone mad.

There’s probably little reason to worry. “Toy Story” will not accomplish much at the box office, and “Avatar” is probably not the film that will serve as our beacon of hope into the new era of technology.

But my fears are not unfounded, and my thoughts on the desecration of classic films stands. I’ve been fairly impassioned on this topic, but strangely enough, that will not deter me from awaiting “Toy Story 3.”