The jack of asses

WEEKEND: Where would you put the screening reaction-wise? how does it compare with other screenings?

Tucker: It was about the same. There were a couple places where it’s been like almost disproportionate, like a little nuts. Blacksburg was nuts. State College was nuts. But those were huge 550-person theaters. They were a little crazy. But this was about average. Everyone always applauds at the end. “We love it. It’s an awesome movie. Blah, blah blah ...”

WEEKEND: When did you realize that writing was your true passion?

Tucker: I didn’t realize it in law school. I didn’t start writing until I was about 27.
Basically, for the year and a half after law school my buddies and I lived in different cities. So instead of going out together and talking about shit together, I would go out and I couldn’t talk about it with any of them. I would write e-mails about my nights to my friends, like the “Sushi Pants” story. I drove from that parking lot to my office and wrote that e-mail. It’s so funny.

People have given me credit; “It’s so novel, the way you did this format and a new way of telling a story.” I’m like, “Do you know why I wrote the story like that? Because I was so drunk I couldn’t form complete sentences.” I would just basically belch out my thoughts. And that’s why it kinda came out that way. I wrote about 10 or 15 e-mails, and my friends thought they were hilarious. They started forwarding them around to people.

WEEKEND: Was your site, tuckermax.com, originally a dating Web site?

Tucker: The Web site itself started as a bet with my friends. They bet me I wouldn’t put up a Web site for girls to fill out an application to date me.

WEEKEND: Have you ever fallen in love with a woman?

Tucker: Yeah, of course. She was a nurse in L.A. She moved to L.A. from Cleveland, and on the flight to L.A. she got my book, read it and thought it was really funny. She didn’t know anyone in L.A. and she was like, “Look, I don’t know anybody. Your book was funny. Do you want to hang out?”

And it wasn’t like an “I’m a groupie and I want to fuck you” thing, but I met her and she was smoking hot, smart, sweet and caring. She was just amazing in every way. We started dating almost immediately. A week later I gave her keys to my apartment.
I
 still love her. It didn’t work out, because I just wasn’t ready to be with one girl only. I’m not going to cheat on her. So it’s like date her or don’t, and I wasn’t ready. It sucks, but I loved her very much.

WEEKEND: Do you see yourself as a family guy someday, finally settling down and having kids?

Tucker: No question. I already have a daughter right here (pets his dog). I definitely want kids.

WEEKEND: You’ve dealt with protestors. What’s your take on that?

Tucker: Their basic premise is that I’m a misogynist, and I promote rape culture. Discussion of rape culture aside – which I think is utterly preposterous – the idea that I hate women is so ridiculous to me. I love women. Why the fuck do you think I do all this shit? It’s not to impress him (points to Alex), it’s not to impress you (points to Jordan), it’s to fuck you (points to Danielle). I mean, seriously, that’s why men do anything. It’s to get pussy. And I love women.

WEEKEND: What’s your favorite type of alcohol?

Tucker: I’m a pro, so I gotta go with vodka-club soda as my favorite drink, because it gets you drunk and no hangover, no bullshit, no sugar, none of that fucking stinked-up shit in it.

WEEKEND: How the hell did you stay thin while you drank so much?

Tucker: I mean, I don’t know man. I don’t understand. I’m not a fatass. People ask me that question. I get “I don’t understand. You drink so much. Why aren’t you fat?” My question back is, “Why are you fat?” I don’t really work out that much.

WEEKEND: How did you manage to avoid STDs?

Tucker: You know what condoms are right? It’s fuckin’ crazy how that works. You put that little piece of plastic on your dick.