Q&A: Gerard Amato

Q: What surprised you about your daughter starting college?
A: That any school would accept her. Just kidding. To be fair, this was my second child going through the process. My other daughter went to Clemson University in South Carolina. With anything where you’re spending that much money, it’s always more than what you expect. There’s always the things you never have thought about in terms of what it’s going to cost you. You look at the brochures and you see the cost of tuition and room and board, but it’s always more.

Q: What was your biggest worry for Sara’s first year?
A: Her being on her own. Communication. Staying in touch and understanding what issues she might be having in dealing with living on her own.

Q: What was the move-in experience like?
A: It was fun. I enjoyed it. It’s the beginning of something exciting.

Q: Do you have any advice for parents in how to better prepare to move into the dorms? How did you do the move, being so far away?
A: We drove. I guess that’s probably a big factor. The way we had figured it out – we kind of took a guess – we took what we could fit in an SUV and planned on buying the other stuff we needed when we got there. We probably did the trip in one day, but I stayed in Bloomington for two or three days after.

Q: IU is pretty far from home. How often did you see Sara?
A: We flew her home for the major holidays – Thanksgiving and Christmas – and spring break. And I probably came out to visit once that first year. I’ve visited once each year she’s been in college.

Q: Do you think IU freshmen should bring cars to campus?
A: I don’t think so. She didn’t have one, and she lived on campus and it was easy to get around. The school is within a decent-sized city, so you have the ability to get around and get to any store you needed to get to.

Q: Was there ever a situation that you needed to help your kid through that was particularly tough? How did you do it?
A: I think it was her freshman year, and she was getting homesick and instead of flying her here, I flew out there. And while I was there, she got sick, but I had to leave her. Of course, she’ll tell you I left her there dying.
 
Q: How did you deal with the homesickness after that?
A: I think she got used to it after a while. It’s a shock to some kids. Some kids, you put them out on their own, and they’re loving it. Other kids, the cord doesn’t break so easily. But I think as a parent, you don’t always know what’s going on, especially when your kid is so far away. I would say it’s important to keep the communication open.

Q: What was the first visit home from college like? Did you notice a change? How did you deal with it?
A: We’re in a unique situation where her mother and I are divorced, so she’s splitting her time. She enjoyed coming home at the holidays she liked coming back to the family. I would say it was certainly a pleasant time. It was catching up with your kid you haven’t seen in a few months.

Q: What do you wish you would have known that you know now?
A: How fast it was going to go. Honestly, with both of my daughters, I wish I would have gotten out there more. You always say, “I have plenty of time,” but I saw one basketball game, and I really wish I would have seen more. I got busy with work, but I wish I’d made it a point to get out there more often.

Q: What do you wish you would have done differently?
A: Besides going out there, no. I would have made sure she accomplished all her credits in four years rather than having to pay for summer school. Along those same lines, and as much as I communicate with her regularly, I should have been more in-tune with what was going on with her academically. Not that there were problems, I just wish I would have been more involved and understood it more.

Q: What’s one thing you think all parents of IU students should know?
A: I would go with how important communication is. Just call and say “hello” and ask them how it’s going, as it would be when your kid is in high school and you saw them everyday after school. Then you could see on their faces what was going on, but you’ve got to ask when they’re not around.