Advice from an expert

Christine Schelhas-Miller teaches adolescent development at Cornell University and is the co-author of “Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years.” Along with a Ph.D. in human development from Harvard, Schelhas-Miller received a master’s degree in education from IU in 1977.

As told to Allie Townsend

Q: What inspired you to write this book?
A: Well, my co-author Helen Johnson had been the first assistant dean for the parent programs at Cornell, and when she was doing that, she felt that there could be some better resources out there for parents. She recruited me to work with her, and she had the expertise from the parents program and I had the human development expertise.

Q: What do you want parents to take away from it?
A: I think the biggest message is in the first chapter. It’s that your role as a parent is changing dramatically when your child is in college. It doesn’t mean that you’re not still an influence, but that you should switch to more of a mentoring role where you raise questions and suggest alternatives, but you’re no longer telling them what do to. You’re still a parent, but you’re adding the mentor role. It’s more of an advising relationship.

Q: What do you think is the biggest mistake parents can make in the first few months of their children being a college student?
A: I think it’s not making their expectations clear before their child goes to college. People don’t make their expectations clear about what kind of communication they want to have, and are then upset or angry because their child is not meeting their expectations. It’s the same thing with money. Making expectations clear with money is important, too. The big problems arise when expectations are not clear.

Q: What do you think is the most important thing parents should know or read about before they send their children off to college?
A: I think they should definitely read the first chapter, which describes their new role. It explains the change in the relationship. And, I think they should read the second chapter, which deals with getting them off to college. After that, the book is not particularly chronological. They don’t have to read it cover to cover. They can pick and choose which sections to read based on what their child is going through.