Giving thanks to the entertainment industry

Roasting turkeys, mashing potatoes, passing out by 3 p.m.

Yep, it’s Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday.

Any day that I don’t have to do anything but roll out of bed by noon-ish, pack as much food into my stomach as possible and spend the rest of the day in a food coma is fine with me.

So, in honor of this great holiday, I have put together the top five things I am thankful for in the entertainment industry. These are in no particular order because I had a really hard time deciding who or what would come first.

1. Justin Timberlake: Anyone who could go from the Mickey Mouse Club to ’N Sync to “FutureSex/LoveSounds” to “Dick in a Box” is a winner in my book. Plus, he designs some hot jeans and is generally more attractive than a sweaty and shirtless Robert Pattinson. He can even manage to look cute while dancing alongside Beyonce and Andy Samberg on Saturday Night Live, wearing kitten heels and a leotard. JT has taught me what true love is, and true love lasts a lifetime.

2. Brangelina: Sure, it started out as an innocent friendship on the set of a smokin’ hot movie, but faster than you could say “Team Aniston,” the world’s most attractive duo had six kids. In all seriousness, though, kudos to Brad and Angelina for all the good they do. What’s hotter than a guy who looks better at age 44 than he did at 24 and a woman whose behind still looks that good after three kids, thrown together with some compassion, appreciation for other cultures and kids with little mohawks? Oh right, nothing.

3. The Spears family: Sure, they’re really just hicks from the South who got lucky because American pop culture was looking for a pop starlet. But really, they do provide us with unending tabloid fodder and are just generally hilarious in how unhinged they all seem to be.

4. Kim Kardashian’s ass: It gives me something to aspire to. Enough said.

5. Perez Hilton and Jezebel: These two entertainment blogs are the ultimate time-wasters. Sure, they both provide a bit of serious news injected into pure fluff, and I might be losing precious brain cells and IQ points when I look at them, but I don’t care. What could be better than witty and sometimes very mean celeb gossip and entertainment news? Nothing, except maybe a sweaty and shirtless Robert Pattinson. Maybe.

Oh, sure, there are other things that I’m thankful for, you know, the important stuff: family, friends, the greatest dog to ever walk the face of the earth, etc. But let’s just spend a tiny moment thanking the entertainment industry for keeping us all, well, entertained. After all, how could we ever procrastinate without them?