Beware, boys

A couple of days ago I was walking along the street, minding my own business with a nonfat strawberry smoothie and a fresh manicure. I was stopped in my tracks, however, by a flyer advertising a manual labor job that was extremely upsetting to me.
“Must be able to lift heavy equipment,” the flyer read.  Well, I think that’s what it read. It is difficult to recall the exact language, because all I saw was a boy’s clubhouse with scrawled writing saying, “No girls allowed!”

Needless to say, this bold and tasteless statement left me saddened and frustrated about the position of women in today’s workforce. Why do there exist jobs, such as this manual labor job, that no women are capable of doing and are in fact excluded from via vulgar, inflammatory and sexist subtext on flyers?

It is completely and totally unfair. And you know what I say? It’s about time that somebody put an end to this breed of workplace discrimination.

Up until relatively recently, women weren’t allowed to be anything besides teachers and nurses. It is a well-known historical fact that the only reason for this was that men said so. That eventually changed, thanks to some legislation and things that I don’t really know or care about. However, women were still unable, for so long, to pursue the jobs they wanted to pursue. We were unable to spread our butterfly wings and fly.

As a result, I think it’s time for some reparations.

Ladies, correct me if I’m wrong, but we had to suffer because of the sexism of men. It’s great that we are able now to pursue the jobs we want, though obviously not all the jobs we want – excuse you, manual labor flyer – but it isn’t enough.

I feel very strongly that men should have to spend the next 30 years working exclusively as teachers, nurses, or stay-at-home fathers. They deserve it, because they forced us to have limited options for so long.

This mass exodus of men from the rest of the workforce would create a lot of space for us gals in fields like manual labor, fields that formerly discriminated against us by having unrealistic requirements for employment (just like how the fashion magazines create unrealistic standards of beauty). Which is great, but I’m not sure that these jobs deserve to have us fill them, having discriminated against us for so long.

So, I move that any and all jobs that have subtly discriminated against women through strategically placed bogus “requirements” on them that women can’t meet, such as being able to lift heavy things or being unafraid of insects, or should be outlawed.
That’s right, outlawed. I’m saying there should be no more manual labor. If those fields don’t want to include women, then they shouldn’t be able to exist at all. Plus, lots of those mens’ jobs involve trucks and trucks are gross and loud. Ew.

Now, please, everyone cut out this column and send it to your senator (Feel free to decorate it with sequins first)! Girl power!