No love for 'Guru'

It’s been happening a lot lately. Instead of waiting for a good idea to strike them, writers are just cranking out movies, putting pen to the page and hoping that what comes out is up to par.

Adam Sandler did it in “Zohan,” Will Ferrell did it in “Blades of Glory” and it looks like he’ll do it again in “Step Brothers.” Eddie Murphy has done it for years. Even M. Night Shyamalan appears to have taken this approach in “The Happening.” But nothing demonstrates this approach to writing better than “The Love Guru.”

Starring Mike Myers as the Guru Pitka, a love guru who must heal the relationship of a hockey player in time to win the Stanley Cup, the film falls flat on its face for the most part, despite decent showings from Justin Timberlake as a well-endowed French-Canadian goalie, Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan as hockey announcers, and Jessica Alba as ... well let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter who she was.

The film has its moments, and I chuckled in spite of myself quite a few times. Of course, when you fire off as many jokes per minute as Myers does, some of them are bound to hit home.

 This movie tests the age-old adage “Throw a bunch of crap at the wall, and see what sticks.” In the end, some of it sticks but it’s still just crap.

Every two seconds Myers says “poop,” “fart” or makes a sex reference. His character is shallow, one-dimensional and completely uninteresting as he prances about the screen giggling at his own jokes.

Myers, normally known for fleshed-out, interesting characters, really dropped the ball on this one. Every so often the movie is hilarious and charming, giving us a small glint of the genius Myers is capable of, but then it drowns in a sea of bad cultural stereotypes and midget jokes.

If you are a hard-core Myers fan, then go ahead and see this movie. You may enjoy yourself for a few moments. As for everyone else, feel free to skip this steaming pile of elephant dung in protest of movies that didn’t need to be made.

Let’s send Hollywood a message: stop making crap.