Turning right

Dear Chase Cooper,\nI believe I have a solution to your “becoming more liberal” problem: Drop out of college. Often times, higher-education systems are dominated by free thinking, educated citizens. The only way to save yourself from the dark side is to be surrounded by conservatives who think the same way you do so there will be no dangerous new ideas infecting your brain. I myself dropped out of college and used the money I would have spent on an education to buy guns for my friends and family. I now have the means to protect my community from the ever – impending threat of terrorism. I also stimulated the economy by spending my money on tangible goods instead of a useless education among a diverse group of people.\nAs a newly reformed conservative, I understand that the patriarchal society we live in is without fault. It is useless to get angry over minute social injustices like America’s health system or women’s rights. I believe that the best government is one that keeps its people in a shroud of fear leaving the smart, white men to make the decisions; they haven’t strayed us wrong before!\nBeing a devoted conservative, I fear that a new president would only hinder American development by wasting time and money on trivial subjects, such as the environment. Money doesn’t grow on trees, so why are liberals so angry when new developments cause deforestation? Even though I have witnessed a strong push for Sen. Barack Obama, I still have hope. I have hope that we conservatives may shield the traditional values of our country, using money and religion against the ideals of complaining liberals.\nApril Fool’s!