Does this make you randy, baby?

The Loch Ness Monster, leprechauns and the female orgasm are all myths that have been passed down since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, aphrodisiacs — or objects that heighten sexual arousal — are also a deceitful myth. So far, scientists, as well as Dr. Ruth (Westheimer) have reached a big, fat zero when it comes to proving that certain items have aphrodisiacal qualities. \nAlthough everything we've been told about aphrodisiacs is false, let's examine some of the "fakephrodisiacs" we've been told throughout the years and their potential sex-drive-heightening side effects.\nFine dining, and not-so-fine dining\nNo foods have been scientifically proven to increase sexual desire, but that doesn't mean the stomach isn't the way to someone's heart. \nChocolate does contain chemicals, such as serotonin, that reach your brain's "pleasure areas," according to Live Science, an online science journal. \nLive Science also concurs that the only reason oysters are considered aphrodisiacs is because they physically resemble vaginas. Deformed, slimy, shelled vaginas. \nAsparagus and bananas have been considered aphrodisiacs because of their phallic shape, but asparagus is questionable as a phallus. \nI want your (healthy) bod\nThere's a reason the SRSC is teeming with pre-spring breakers and resolution-holders — physique is an important criterion in the laws of attraction. Taking good care of your body ultimately leads to a whole wealth of good. Subsequently, feeling good leads to higher levels of self-confidence -- an irresistible trait. \nA Johns Hopkins study released a year ago in the American Journal of Medicine showed that erectile dysfunction has a strong correlation to unhealthiness, especially a lack of physical activity. In conclusion, shape up or ship out.\nGot talent?\nThere's a reason it seems every other boy has an acoustic guitar propped in a corner of his room — it's hot. Look at John Mayer, whose heinous O-face is completely ignored as soon as he starts jamming. Being talented at something, or many things, shows dedication and passion — both of which are attractive when selecting a potential mate. Even something small like being a good dancer, intelligent or having a good sense of humor are all forms of talent. \nBuy you a drank\nTwo words here: "in moderation." Too much alcohol proves to be the antithesis of sexual desire, but a few drinks will diminish inhibitions while increasing the chance of making bad decisions (we use the term "bad" lightly). Alcohol is a social lubricant. Why else would we have entire weekends dedicated to it? Be forewarned though, one drink too many and your brain won't be the only thing failing to work properly. \nFind out what it means to me\nWith no chemicals involved and no money to be spent, one fakephrodisic trumps the rest: respect. Appreciating a lover and mutual understanding between couples is vital to enhancing and maintaining sexual desire. This means taking time to appreciate a partner, both sexually and personally. A little respect goes a lot further than any amount of oysters.