Television skeletons

We all have skeletons in our closets. Some are figurative – like the fact that I voted for a Republican while working on the campaign of the opposing Democrat. Others are more literal (and morbid), such as the cadre of human skeletons in the closet of Bill Nye the Science Guy.\nRegardless, we all have, as The All-American Rejects pointed out, dirty little secrets. (Besides voting for a Republican, another secret of mine is apparently my familiarity with the music catalogue of The All-American Rejects. But perhaps we should just move along.)\nThe beauty of having your own house or apartment is not running the risk of your roommates discovering your secrets. I, however, have not had this luxury in, well, ever. Thus, it’s hard to engage in my favorite pastime of painting my nails and watching soap operas. That’s why if you’re like me and have seen every episode of “Sex and the City” and maintain that “Desperate Housewives” is actually an extremely well-written show, you need really trustworthy roommates, ones that can keep your very embarrassing television secrets.\nI, however, am not so adept at keeping the similar secrets of others.\nYou can tell a lot about people by the shows they watch, or more appropriately, by the shows people don’t want others to know they watch. With the writers striking, and thus not much reason to watch “Desperate Housewives” or paint my nails, I’ve taken to observing the secret television behavior of my roommates. Unfortunately, I’m legally prevented from printing the results of my investigative work because they know where I sleep.\nThere are plenty of other people, however, who don’t know where I sleep and are fair game to have their secret television preferences revealed. It should be noted that the following research was conducted with the help of several sociology graduate students, who weren’t doing much else of importance.\nHillary Clinton – The Discovery Channel is her favorite, particularly the show “Dirty Jobs,” in which host Mike Rowe goes to places such as sewage treatment plants and the Oval Office to highlight jobs that are really crummy, but worth it for the amount of tail. She’s also fascinated by shows about sharks. \nPresident Bush – While most would think I’m going for a cheap shot like “Barney and Friends” or “Sesame Street,” Bush’s television tastes are actually quite refined. PBS’ “Antiques Roadshow” is one of his favorites, and he is secretly contemplating going on the show to have expert appraisers estimate the worth of his presidency. In terms of comedic value, it has been, of course, priceless.\nDick Cheney – His favorites are actually not television shows, but commercials, particularly for Hardee’s and McDonald’s. On a side note, he actually plays the creepy Burger King guy.\nWith the writers’ strike still in effect, you should get off the couch and spy on your roommates or favorite political figure. I, however, need to take a break from such work. My closet is getting full and could use a cleaning.