Poor George

With all the hype about electing our next president, it’s easy to forget that we actually have a sitting president. His name is George W. Bush, or Dubya if you prefer, and he’s gotten lonely as of late.\nFor example, Bush recently took a break from his routine of doing Sudoku puzzles to tour several Middle East countries including Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, Bahrain is a country. I looked it up on the Internet. Thanks, Al Gore. \nThe point is, hardly anyone took notice of Bush’s travels, save a few loyal and overzealous Fox News reporters. Even the would-be assassins normally stalking Bush in the Middle East seemed to overlook his trip. \nPerhaps this newfound apathy with the president has something to do with a calendar. But not just any calendar — a very special one.\nOn the wall in my room you’ll find three things: an autographed picture of Bill Clinton, an award designating me an Eagle Scout and a calendar with a daily countdown to January 20, 2009, the day Bush leaves office and 150 million Americans return from Canada. \nAs of today, the calendar reports less than a year — 364 days — until proper grammar is restored in the nation’s capital. And with every passing day the American (and world) population forgets more of the unremarkable policies that defined Bush’s presidency. \nNeedless to say, this is all very upsetting for poor George. While half of America and most of the known world used to hang on his every word merely for the opportunity to despise him for no good reason, now ol’ Dubya has trouble getting Islamic fundamentalists to take notice when he’s in the area. How sad. \nIt may be hard for some of you to believe, particularly those of you in Canada, but George actually has feelings, and they’ve been hurt lately since no one, not even Hugo “Really Sane Guy” Chavez, has taken the time to call him the devil.\nIn fact, Bush plans to address this in his upcoming annual State of the Union address, an event you’ve probably forgotten will occur. Being a member of the Communist press, I was able to obtain a copy of the speech. Here’s an excerpt:\nMy Fellow Americans,\nIt’s only a year until I leave office. Can we return to the good ol’ days? The days before a woman and a black man were the hottest news in politics. Remember No Child Left Behind? That sucked. Remember when I vetoed a health insurance bill for children for no reason? That was awful. And what about the Iraq War? You think it’s getting better? Guess again. Remember how it started? Aren’t you still mad about that? \nClearly he’s a man desperate for attention, positive or negative. Unfortunately for him, however, the next 364 days will focus not on his departure or his “legacy,” but on electing a person who can reverse all the haphazard policies his administration has enacted.