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Tuesday, April 16
The Indiana Daily Student

My lil Lohan

Everyone knows Facebook applications are the worst inventions of 2007. They’re idiotic, annoying and superfluous. I guess the same could be applied to Facebook itself. But seriously, I haven’t found an application worth applying myself to.\nThat is, until Best Week Ever invented the “My Lil Lohan” application. You see, the job of the writers of Best Week Ever is to find all of the memorable phenomenons in the world of Pop Culture, and lately, Pop Culture has been in a rut. In fact, most everyone I know is in a rut. It’s a rapidly spreading epidemic. Even living vicariously through celebrity gossip is pointless, as it is just as mundane as ordinary gossip. \nAnd while Lindsay Lohan’s routine has long been mundane, “My Lil Lohan” lets you control her. Her life is just as idiotic, annoying and superfluous as Facebook Applications, that it only makes sense she deserves one. And the construction of the application is actually quite brilliant. \nNow in her post rehab days, you can decide which way you want to steer LoHo. Each day, you can either do something nice or something naughty. Nice things include feeding, shopping, staging an intervention. Naughty things entail inviting her to a party, buying her a drink or organizing a bender – an alcoholic binge. You can also give La Lohan a series of gifts – from a hack to disable a DUI anklet to a Tupperware set. Her reaction towards these gifts all depends on the way you treat your Lil Lohan. \nSo if you choose to take Lindsay out to lunch instead of to a party, and then give her a 40 oz., she will pour the beer out “for her drinking days, may they RIP.” Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you do. La Lohan just can’t fight her natural urges. If you offer her a non-Parliament cigarette, you leave her with no choice “but to snort some coke and make out with a boy, resulting in a 1 percent loss of her health!” Give her some white powder, and she’ll “realize how much she missed the booger sugar, and she now stands a 1 percent less chance of staying sober.”\nMy favorite, however, was when I gave my Lil Lohan a slice of pizza. Because the pizza was delivered by a hottie, she boned him. This made her feel pretty even though she was eating “gross fatty pizza.” The experience made her 1 percent happier with herself. And of course, because “Facebook is for friends,” you and your pals can get your Lil Lohans together for a bender.\nUnlike those other silly applications about zombies and werewolves, My Lil Lohan allows any Facebook user to understand the inner mechanism of one of the most important cultural figures of our time – or something like that. I would even suggest that a Sims-like computer game be invented, celebutante style. \nIf you’re anything like me, you’re sick of annoying Facebook applications and tired celebrity gossip. “My Lil Lohan” is the cure.

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