TV: Dead on arrival

This week, the major networks began premiering their new fall shows. Along with those new shows comes the continuing of some major trends in television, both good and bad. \nBoth the networks and their audiences are full of optimism that all the programs debuting will be huge successes. The bad news is that the shelf life of a new program is way too short. Consider that of the almost 30 programs that debuted on the major channels last fall (ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and CW), only nine survived for a second season. And some lasted an entire season just to be cancelled before the 2007 schedules were announced (“The Class”), while others were highly-touted this time last year only to be shelved before Thanksgiving (“The Nine”). \nRegardless, 70 percent were probably axed for the same reason that is plaguing network TV today: the ratings crisis. The bigwigs are so concerned with creating a new ratings sensation that they forget there are quality shows that can slowly build a following over time. The tabulation methods they use are out of date, and only now is the industry getting around to incorporating TiVo and DVR viewers. \nAlas, there are at least 25 new shows hoping to avoid the ratings guillotine, and many of them are classic examples of what television does seem to be good at: copying off the previous year’s success and trying to recreate it. In 2005 the networks shelled out many duplicates of the 2004 serial uber-hit “Lost,” including “Invasion,” “Surface” and “Threshold,” all of which failed to find an audience. \nLast year’s only true rating hits, “Heroes,” “Ugly Betty” and “Brothers and Sisters” have spawned many rip-offs of their own. “Heroes” made the superhuman popular again, so now we have a “Bionic Woman” remake. Arguably, the show’s most popular character was the loveable goof Hiro Nakamura, and so the networks have given us “Chuck,” a story about a loveable goof who has the entire government intelligence database downloaded into his head, and “Reaper,” a story about a loveable goof who finds out his parents sold his soul to the devil.\nThe other aforementioned hits from 2006 have birthed the most copies, as their soapy tones have been remade everywhere. No less than five shows, including “Big Shots” and “Gossip Girl,” which depict the lives of the rich and famous, are set to air soon. \nAside from the reproduction of ideas and characters from other shows, there are programs that have gone as far as to rip-off other forms of media. This is why we have “Cavemen,” a show that took the mildly amusing cavemen from the Geico commercials and turned their lives into a sitcom. The characters weren’t funny for 30 seconds, so how do they expect to make them funny for 30 minutes?\nThe quality of this year’s fall slate looks to be another disappointment and will only perpetuate the terrible trends of the past few years. If these trends in television continue, the medium will grow more disconnected from their viewers.\nWell, at least we have season four of “Lost” to look forward to.