Signs of the time

"Home is where your heart is, ain’t that what they always say? My heart lies in broken pieces scattered on the way.” – Steve Earle \nThere’s nothing quite like home. It’s a place of family, liquor cabinets and so much more. For many of us in Bloomington, however, there are multiple homes – one that we return to in the summer or for holidays and one that we destroy between the end of August and early May. \nUnfortunately, most students are faced with an inherent conflict. No, it’s not whether to sport leather chaps or a pink thong, although I do consider that quandary with alarming frequency. Rather, students must constantly play a “love one more than the other” game between their hometowns and their college towns, unless, of course, they are one and the same (geeks!). \nTake my situation, for example. Bloomington is my second college town in as many years. My real home rests at the foot of the largest concrete structure in the United States: Anna Nicole Smith’s grave ... er ... the Grand \nCoulee Dam. \nIt’s a safe bet most of you have never heard of Grand Coulee Dam, much less realize its location (hint: it rhymes with Blashington). If this is the case, go back home and berate your high school \nhistory teacher. \nFortunately, when driving here from Washington this summer (dang, gave it away!), I had ample time to consider my conflict: Am I a Washingtonian or a Hoosier? Even more, what does it mean to hail from a certain state? Is there a noticeable identity attached with such happenstance? If so, perhaps I could finally come to call my home somewhere other than Washington.\nMaybe the road signs that welcome freeway drivers to new states could be of help. Below are some examples of such signs I encountered in my recent journey, along with my initial reactions.\n(Disclaimer: These may not be accurate depending on the level of drowsiness/intoxication with which they were initially read.)\n• Idaho: “Our rest stops are so dirty, even Larry Craig won’t use them.”\nSurprisingly, the road-side bathrooms weren’t that dirty. There was a lot of foot tapping, however.\n• Montana: “Men are men and sheep are nervous. You should be too.”\nOh, I was plenty nervous. Then the banjo music began ...\n• Iowa: “More corn than you could possibly care about.”\nProbably correct, but it was hard to get over the fact they’d ended a sentence with a preposition. What a bunch of uneducated goobers!\n• Illinois: “Land of Lincoln and, unfortunately, Bears and Cubs.”\nSee, even Illinois dislikes the Cubs.\n• Indiana: “Welcome! You sinned in a previous life.”\nPretty self-explanatory. I do have my fair share of sins. I am Catholic, after all.\nThe picture was bleak. The signs made me miss Washington even more. By the time I approached Bloomington, I was sure it would be a miserable year. Then another sign appeared: “Welcome to Bloomington: Making living in Indiana tolerable.”\nGosh, it’s good to be home.