Kinsey Confidential

QUESTION: Every time I masturbate, which is once a week, I think I pee. I have a large amount of fluid come out of me that smells like pee. Now I know that this is not normal and I would like to know what I should do about it. I do not feel very comfortable talking to anyone about my problem, so if there is a solution that doesn’t involve talking to someone about it I would greatly appreciate it. Please help!\nANSWER: Although you may feel that your experience of emitting a good deal of fluid (that, to you, smells like pee) during self-masturbation may feel “not normal”, it is actually completely within the normal range of women’s sexual experiences. It’s true that people may not talk very openly about this phenomenon, but then again our culture is oddly silent about a lot of things related to sexuality. And unfortunately, being silent about sex often makes people feel alone, unusual or otherwise “not normal”.\nSome sex researchers and educators refer to these fluids as “female ejaculation”; others prefer not to use this term, since the fluids that are emitted from a woman’s urethra during sexual excitement are not chemically the same as male ejaculate (semen). In fact, it is not entirely clear what these fluids are – chemical analyses have produced variable results. That said, they do not appear to be chemically the same as urine. In other words, it is extremely unlikely that you are peeing during sex.\nNow, that’s not to say that these fluids don’t share some of the same chemical properties as urine (perhaps hence a similar odor, although many things – including genital sweat – can share a somewhat similar odor). After all, the fluids are likely coming from your urethra, which is the same tube that carries urine out of the body. Consequently, there may be some overlap. That is true for men, though, too: the urethra carries both urine and ejaculate out of the body and, as ejaculate is emitted from the penis, it may pick up some urine “residue” on its way out. But men (like women) typically do not “pee” during sex (though for men, this is controlled by what’s called the bladder valve, which prevents the bladder from letting urine into the urethra).\nIf you still feel that you are peeing during sex, and this worries you, consider masturbating on a white towel next time and check the color of the fluids that come out. In all likelihood, it will be more clear or white (like sexual fluids) rather than yellow (like urine). Alternatively, you can keep tissues near you and wipe your vulva shortly after you notice the fluids and again check the color.\nAlthough the varying degrees of wetness that women experience during sex (whether we call it “female ejaculation” as some do, or “squirting” as others do) are not openly discussed everywhere, there is an episode of Sex and the City (in Season 4) that mentioned this phenomenon, so it’s not completely absent from popular culture. It’s also a common occurrence in porn. You can read more detailed information in The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality (Owl Books, $15.00) and The Good Vibrations Guide: The G Spot (Down There Press, $8.50). Although stimulation of the area sometimes called the g spot (an area on the front wall of the vagina, about 1-2 inches inside) is often associated with some degree of noticeable wetness, it is not always the case.\nOne thing that may interest you about reading these books is how women and their partners respond to the wetness – some are not thrilled with it, but learn to deal with their body’s sexual response. Other women and their partners are enormously excited and aroused by the wetness. In fact, just as we get questions from women like you who may feel a little surprised or unsettled by their body’s response, we get just as many questions from women who have heard about this phenomenon or seen it in sexually explicit DVDs and want to know how they can learn to do it. In other words, what comes naturally to you is something that some women desperately wish they could learn to do. That’s not to say that you should learn to love it or have different feelings about it; that’s just to provide another perspective.\nIf you are still convinced that you are peeing during sex, please consider checking in with your healthcare provider for information and a check-up. Gynecological healthcare is important for all sexually active or adult women. I hope this is helpful.