Generation of Bush

"Huge brains, small necks, weak muscles and fat wallets – these are the dominant physical characteristics of the ‘80s, the generation of swine.” –Hunter S. Thompson \nI’d be overreaching the confines of my position as a know-it-all columnist if I claimed to be the next Hunter S. Thompson. Indeed, no one will ever graze Gonzo’s status as a revered, poignant and somewhat insane observer of society and politics.\nThat being said, it seems pertinent to pick up now in the current generation where Thompson left off in the Reagan years, when the author and columnist arguably produced his greatest work. \nWhat, then, defines us today? Or, more appropriately, how will history remember today’s college students? Are we destined to repeat the Thompson stereotype of being smart, rich, arrogant and otherwise puny? \nNo, we have something greater in store for the world. We won’t be defined by Wall Street and one-hit-wonder hair bands like our counterparts 20 years ago. \nTiny brains, bulging appetites, insecure futures and piss-poor politicians – these are the defining attributes of the 2000s, the generation of Bush.\nSince George W. Bush came to office, we’ve been indoctrinated with the politics of hate. Gays are not human, didn’t you know? Furthermore, those brazen enough to be born with this sick condition have propagated an assault on the American family. We must act now! We need to amend both the U.S. Constitution and state constitutions to prevent this deliciously decadent raping of traditional ideals.\nAt least that’s what the religious right would have us believe. Let’s be honest. Adam and Steve’s marriage has nothing to do with Tom and Susan’s divorce, or the value of any other matrimony. \nThis is just one example of Bush’s backward agenda: racial profiling, heightened suspicion of everything “un-American,” dismissal of the French and their tasty cuisine. The list goes on and on. It’s unfortunate that we’ve been defined as a country by the actions of the right and their consistent xenophobia.\nThere is hope, however. Before the world – and history – remembers us as rash, crass and brash, we, the students of this fine institution, must act to save our legacy. And it all starts with immediately ending the Little 500.\nBefore the rioting begins, hear me out. Yes, the bike race is great, as are the 1.5 million after-parties and cake and Kool-Aid greek house gatherings. But if the crowding, drunkenness and otherwise obscene behavior seen on Kirkwood Avenue are any indication, the Little 500 weekend degrades us and perpetuates within students the most animallike behavior imaginable. Take for example, the group of intoxicated and overly aggressive males I saw taunting and harassing a homeless man on Kirkwood for no good reason.\nThese boys learned well from their highest role model – our chief executive, commander-in-chief, president and primary instigator of negativity and apathy. The Bush ideology has infiltrated the supposedly educated minds of the college generation. If nothing is done, history will remember us for our illogical treatment of others, not the winners of an alcohol-injected bicycle race.\nHopefully, Thompson would agree: a true tragedy.