You might be famous if ...

Fame is a nebulous concept these days. The Internet is always watching you, and reality TV has become a new food group. You could be famous and not even know it. Even if there are 20 videos of you lip-syncing to Fleetwood Mac on YouTube and you have 599 MySpace friends, there's a chance you might not be a celebrity. Look for the following warning signs of fame to be sure.\n1. People are combining your name with that of your significant other.\nBennifer, Branjelina, TomKat. Gossip columnists are busy people. They don't have time to write out two names. And as busy gossip consumers, we don't even have time to read two different names. Celebrity couples' names are like peanut butter and jelly, combine them at will. \n2. Your used Starbucks coozie was sold on eBay for $30,000.\nYou thought that guy was a bum when he went fishing around in the trash. Turns out he's buying a boat.\n3. Headlines suggest you are pregnant.\nThe "bump patrol" is never wrong.\n4. You starred in a movie opposite Hugh Grant.\nYou might not remember it, but it was probably a romantic comedy. It was almost as good as your Internet rendition of "You Make Loving Fun."\n5. Someone asked you to sign a baby.\nSometimes you just don't have paper or a glossy black and white headshot, and fans want your signature now. A little bundle of joy is the next best place for your John Hancock. If your autograph is in high demand, grab a Sharpie and a newborn.\n6. There's an entire Web site dedicated to pictures of you in sweatpants.\nWow, you've really been letting yourself go. Is that a cigarette and an entire summer sausage?\n7. You're a Scientologist.\nIf you're an ordinary, run-of-the-mill Scientologist giving out free "stress tests" in the subway and selling copies of L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics" for $8 "donations," you're probably in the clear. But if you're one of those rich, my-dynamics-were-good-in-a-past-life-so-let's-hop-on-the-spaceship Scientologists, it's more likely you're giving out "stress tests" on the red carpet.\n8. You named your child after an endangered species of mushroom.\nApple, Rumir, Denim, Moon Unit, Puma, Chastity, Suri, Maddox, CoCo -- these are the children picked last in kickball. It seems like a running gag, but it's a fact of life. For at least four decades, celebrities have been giving their children bizarre names.\n9. Us Weekly says that you're in rehab.\nA reliable anonymous source saw you check in.\n10. You're in rehab.\nWell, fancy habit-forming substances are easily accessible if you're famous.\n11. SuperStudd64 and AngelDivaXX are arguing on your message board.\nAt first they were quarreling about when you first sold out. Now they're just calling each other profane names.\n12. Your latest album didn't do as well as expected.\nEven though you had that track featuring MC Hammer, your latest single didn't come close to reaching the Billboard Hot 100.\n13. There's much speculation about your sexual orientation.\nEntertainment Weekly says that you're gay. Star Magazine says that you're straight. The National Enquirer says that you're giving birth to a monkey baby.\n14. Headlines suggest you had plastic surgery.\nWhat happened to your face? The before-and-after pics are shocking, bordering nightmarish.\nIf five or more of these warning signs apply to you, there's a good chance that you're famous. Don't freak out because the paparazzi are right behind you.