Big daddy Rossing

Perhaps you’ve seen the reserved parking spaces for mothers with children – a second level of reserved parking, just beyond the disabled parking spaces, marked with universal icons of a woman and little children.\nI have no doubt that managing several young children in a parking lot could be a challenge. And able-bodied people who aren’t toting toddlers along shouldn’t be bothered by walking a few extra spaces to the door. But the implicit messages of the sign irk me. Why does it only depict mothers?\nThe sign could be depicting a drag queen who is grocery shopping with little people, but I sincerely doubt the sign’s creators aimed for such inclusion.\nThe “family parking” signs invoke restrictive messages about families and gender roles. The sign appeals to an ideology of women as primary caretakers and nurturers, stay-at-home moms who perform chores like grocery shopping and presumably return home to prepare dinner. Women are responsible for the children while the men are off at work.\nBut why not a male icon? Why not a father and his children?\nMany people may retort, “Relax! It’s just a sign.” And admittedly I’m infusing this well-intentioned sign with much meaning. If pulled into the space with children in tow, I’m sure no one would raise a skeptical eyebrow to suggest I shouldn’t park there. But if we examine the cumulative cultural messages about men as fathers, a clear pattern emerges that suggests we are inept at – or worse, incapable of – child-rearing and nurturing.\nIncompetent fathers provide audiences plenty of comic relief in films. For example, “Mr. Mom,” “Three Men and a Baby” or “Mrs. Doubtfire” depict farcical, failed attempts by men to change diapers, raise children and perform household tasks.\nPaternity leave for the birth or adoption of a child is still a rarity and if is allowed, is most commonly unpaid. Why? Because we still largely support an ideology that men should be working, not staying at home changing diapers, rocking babies to sleep and forming a bond with their children.\nHow many stay-at-home fathers do you know? How many men would even be willing to fill that role while his partner (male or female) is off earning the cash? Most men would likely consider that a strike against their masculinity, and I find that sad.\nI see it as a strike against men’s humanity that so many cultural messages suggest I’m incapable of nurturing and skillfully raising children. As a man who one day hopes to raise children (with another man no less), I resent the fact that some people question my ability to provide emotional comfort to my children and quiet a baby while juggling laundry, dinner, grocery shopping and soccer practice.\nWe rightly fought for gender equality in terms of recognizing a woman’s full potential and her desire to pursue a fulfilling professional career outside the home. It’s time we also recognize the full humanity of men and our capacity as nurturing fathers and caretakers.\nClear a parking space for my minivan full of kids.