Vacuum your cat

I experienced a phenomenon recently when I was visiting home. I was up in my room doing whatever it is I do (probably playing with matches or reading Judy Blume). Suddenly I heard my mother's voice calling from downstairs. She uttered those words that no one ever expects to hear.\n"Come look! I'm vacuuming the cat."\nMy mother was indeed using the ultimate sucking power of the hose attachment to groom the cat. Shockingly, the cat didn't mind. I may never understand what possessed my mom to find out whether or not the cat liked being vacuumed, but it was an inventive solution to the ubiquitous cat-hair problem.\nI think it's important to note that Mom was using an ordinary vacuum cleaner -- well, an ordinary vacuum cleaner circa 1963. But nonetheless, it was a machine designed to collect debris from household floors rather than the beloved family pet.\nI note the use of an ordinary vacuum cleaner because, after careful research, I found a product specifically designed for sucking hair off your dog and or cat. Ladies and gentlemen, I present -- the PetVac. For only $29.95 (plus shipping and handling) you can show your furry pet just how much you care by vacuuming it.\nThe PetVac Web site displays a before-and-after picture to demonstrate the product's effectiveness. \nBefore: A woman, roughly 60 years old, kneels on the floor like a frazzled walrus covered with splotches of black fur as she feebly attempts to groom her rottweiler with an ordinary brush (big mistake). Her mouth is open as she squints with a wild, pained expression. One can only assume she is making a noise much like that of Chewbacca the wookiee as she screams out in frustration.\nAfter: The woman easily sucks loose hairs from the coat of her rottweiler using the PetVac. There's no stray fur ball in sight. No fuss. No muss. The woman likely added at least six months to her life, improved the strained relationship between her and her dog and gained lots of extra time to fight stormtroopers.\nIt just seems odd to vacuum a living creature, unless of course you have an evil ladybug infestation. But a household appliance specifically engineered to clean man's best friend in a way that was once reserved only for the floor says a lot. In a word: progress. The PetVac is just the kind of quick fix that America was built upon. We like to cut out the middle man and get instant results. \nPeople want 30-second Indian food from the microwave. They want their porn to download faster. They want Microsoft Word to auto-format documents in ways they never imagined or even asked for.\nWe've come a long way. I hate to imagine what it was like to be a pioneer using an ordinary vacuum to clean the buffalo hair out of the covered wagon.\nI'm eager to see what the future holds for us in the way of innovative vacuum technology. Perhaps by the time I reach child-rearing readiness they'll develop a BabyVac.