'Hello, Goodbye'

Hello 2007, goodbye 2006 -- good riddance to you and your congressional elections that yielded so much progress and hope. \nOne of the sad realities of a new year is facing all the death and sadness of the previous 365 days. \nThere comes a time -- and what better time exists than the present -- to put aside all of our inhibitions and misgivings about the past. Yes, 2006 might have sucked -- it was, after all, when the IDS foolheartedly hired me -- but it also saw the end of many notable and successful careers. The following people might have departed this planet last year, but their meager and marginal contributions to our society will never be forgotten.\nTherefore, let us salute these dearly departed individuals. May they rest in peace:\nJames Brown: The godfather of soul; the hardest working man in show business; the best actor in "Rocky IV" - your death was sudden and shocking to us all. Brown performed at the IU Auditorium back in September, the same night President Adam Herbert's camera went missing from the venue. Oddly enough, Brown bequeathed a rather expensive digital camera to his wife in an updated will signed a month before his death. Coincidence? I think not.\nSaddam Hussein: The former president of Iraq was put to death by his own countrymen, amid taunts and jeers. Saddam's regime fell after the U.S.-led invasion in March 2003, and the country immediately became the second most desirable vacation spot in the world (second only to Osama bin Laden's sheep-infested cave). Now that Saddam is finally gone, the nation of Iraq can rest in tranquility, its people joining hands and sharing a Coca-Cola. Iraq is now safe. Mission accomplished - again!\nGerald Ford: The 38th president is most known for being the only president never elected to either the presidency or vice presidency. His most notable act in office was pardoning Richard Nixon, the crookest of the crooked. A lesser known fact (OK, only I know this) is that Ford's life-long ambition was to be a trapeze artist. He died not of old age, but of a tragic fall while not using a safety net. It's very ironic, as he was unfortunately known as a klutz, which is not surprising considering he played football at Michigan.\nJohn Kerry: So he didn't actually die in the physical sense, but he did kill any dream of living inside the White House when a botched joke about George Bush turned into an insult toward America's troops. Don't cry too long for Kerry, however. His ambitions were crushed long ago. What else can you expect from a guy whose wife makes more money selling ketchup?\nGeorge Allen: Like Kerry, Allen is still alive, but his life in politics is over. The incumbent senator from Virginia not only lost his seat in Congress, but also his presidential aspirations, when it was revealed that, not surprisingly, he is a racist. He's a conservative Republican from the South.\nHere's to 2007. Let the death of the new year begin!