Money is great

It should be the easiest decision you'll ever have to make: Would you rather have the ability to fly or \na million dollars?\nLogically, you'll probably never have to make this decision. But it's like buying elephant stampede insurance. You never think it will happen to you -- no one ever does. But you need to be prepared. \nThe moment might come while you're sitting on your couch eating caramel corn, watching the latest episode of "Dancing with the Stars," when the Bizarre Choice Fairy busts through your wall, points a magic wand at you and demands to know: "Flying or a million bucks?" \nSo I've decided to help you make that decision. You'll thank me later.\nFirst of all, don't listen to Steve Miller Band's greatest hits when you're trying to make this decision. You'll only receive mixed messages telling you to both "Take the Money and Run" and "Fly Like an Eagle." You don't need that kind of pressure from Steve right now.\nWhile gathering information on what could be the biggest decision of my life, I stumbled upon an online forum where people discussed their answers to this question. Overwhelmingly, people chose flying over money.\nI found this deeply disturbing. What happened to our values system? Since when did flying effortlessly through the air by your own capacity, gaining a breathtaking aerial view of the world, overtake the desire for cold, hard cash?\nJust for a moment, let's pretend you chose the flying option. Congratulations, you're a freak. You have the ability to fly without the cumbersome aid of plane, helicopter, parasail or blimp. However, odds are you're the only person alive with this special power. The carnie folk want a piece of you.\nInitially, you resist the world of freak shows and cotton candy, but you can't run forever. Zelda, the bearded lady, is a good friend, but the hours are long and the pay is terrible. And one day, a black SUV with tinted windows drives up. A burly man asks, "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" and you wake up in a cage.\nYears of watching "The X-Files" have taught me that anyone with paranormal capabilities will inevitably be captured by the government for experimentation. So you lose contact with your friends and family. You lose your identity and become test subject No. 8576JXJK5, though some of the scientists have nicknamed you "Feathers."\nAnd then you die. \nObviously, you made the wrong choice. Take the cash!\nA million dollars is great for at least a million reasons. Money can buy you friends, happiness, love and "Saved by the Bell" on DVD.\nSome people think money has a bad reputation. The Notorious B.I.G. says mo' money, mo' problems. Others say a million dollars isn't a lot of money these days and it's easy to part with your moolah. But who cares if you blow it all at the dog track? Anything is better than drinking out of one of those suspended water bottles in a cage next to radioactive chinchillas.