'Scoundrels' majors in stupidity

I hate Jon Heder. There's no other way to put it -- I simply cannot stand an actor who has played the same exact person in every role he's been given. Sure there are great character actors in the world, but Heder isn't one of them. Always the disillusioned dork, he simply stumbles his way through each scene by constantly sighing or going "Uhhhhh."\nBilly Bob Thornton, at this point, is no better. In "Bad Santa," his asshole ways were hysterical; "Bad News Bears" he was so-so. Now with "Scoundrels" he is yet again that same sarcastic jackass, only this time it isn't funny anymore. I even saw a trailer before the movie started, "Mr. Woodcock," in which he plays his trademark role alongside Seann William Scott aka Stiffler from the "American Pie" flicks. One can only imagine how unfunny it'll be.\n"Scoundrels" is a remake of a British film of the same name from Robert Hamer. I haven't seen the original, but Hamer directed "Kind Hearts and Coronets" so I'm sure it's worth a look. Heder plays Roger, a down in the dumps meter maid whose apartment is loaded with self-help books that aren't doing a damn thing for him. After learning one of the kids he is big brother to thinks he sucks, Roger is handed a piece of paper with a number on it. He calls it, is given a time and place, then arrives at a class run by Dr. P (Thornton), who calls out his students that own such self-help crap, remarking, "You can't help yourself because your self sucks." \nAll Roger wants is a little confidence boost. There's a cute girl down the hall in his apartment named Amanda (Jacinda Barrett, "Poseidon") he just can't get a word with. Dr. P does his damnedest to turn Roger into a self-respecting man, and once Roger gets a date with Amanda, Dr. P goes and ruins it by dating her as well. Welcome to the rest of the movie: a series of arguments, attacks and asinine actions. \n"Scoundrels" is not funny, just plain pathetic. Todd Phillips used to be a quality director. I still laugh my ass off at the likes of "Old School" and "Road Trip." Next came "Starsky & Hutch," which was crap but forgivable. With "Scoundrels," I feel like I should be offering my condolences. I hope he can redeem himself with "Old School Dos."\nWhat makes things even worse is the movie is peppered with so many cameos by hilarious folks that do nothing. David Cross, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller, Luis Guzmán and Horatio Sanz seem to all be along for the ride only to collect a small paycheck. Oh, Michael Clarke Duncan is in it, too, but who really cares at this point?\nI'm sure after a few more movies, "Napoleon Dynamite" will be long forgotten, and he'll end up doing a season of VH1's "The Surreal Life." There, everyone will point and laugh because Heder is "that guy who danced in that one movie," he'll get laid by some failed celebrity and he'll die a little more inside. Now there's a performance of his I could finally laugh at.