Greek speak

Bathrooms intrigue me, especially the messages contained on their walls. My first Indiana Daily Student column highlighted some of the best phrases I've been fortunate enough to encounter in my travels to bathrooms across North America. \nTwo months after arriving in Bloomington, I've once again discovered a new piece of unique poetry, this time on the hallowed bathroom walls of IU.\nWarning: The following contains explicit accusations about greeks, possibly from disgruntled pledge-rejects. Do not read further if you are prone to attending lame Jordan Avenue parties where wristbands are required.\nAll of the following quotations have been obtained through painstaking single-ply research. \n• "If your thing is small and your social skills weak, don't worry about it -- just go greek!"\nI sincerely doubt the accuracy of this statement. First of all, I've encountered many greeks in my journey through higher education. The majority of fraternity members I've known have been able to slap strangers of the opposite (or same) sex on the rear without fear of repercussion. I'd say that demonstrates pretty strong social skills. I also attended a nude hot tub party at a fraternity awhile back. I suppose the joke was on me when I showed up and there was nothing but a five-gallon bucket of hot water on the back porch. But I did observe a rather "endowed" group of guys trying to squeeze in. No small "things" in that bunch.\n• "Pull here for diploma" (with arrow pointing to the toilet paper dispenser).\nFollowing orders, I pulled out one of those supposed diplomas and was intrigued with what I found. On the paper was written: "Indiana University Office of the Registrar." On the back was a barcode with a bunch of Greek letters that I couldn't translate in my current position. After leaving the bathroom, I took the paper to the first greek house I could find and asked for assistance. It turns out that the paper read: "Frat members: Redeem for any degree from the Kelley School of Business." Of course! It all made sense.\n• "Delta Delta Delta is Square Square Square!"\nThis one took a little intuition to figure out.\nIn math, the Greek letter Delta is used to represent a change in some variable, such as Delta members changing their clothes. Delta, in Greek, is symbolized by a triangle. Put these together and the above quote becomes clearer: When Delta members stand in triangle form and change their clothes, sleazy frat guys peek at them through square windows. Sounds pretty rational to me. What's the lesson here? Close the curtains, ladies! But it doesn't help unless you go inside the house before changing.\nThere are surely many more of these deep thoughts scrawled in bathrooms throughout IU. When you find them, don't be afraid to drop by a greek residence and share the good news. And when you go by a fraternity, make sure it is changing that bucket of water on a regular basis.