Truck you

Picture this: In the quiet hours of the early morning, your SUV rumbles over the rough terrain. Its 10-cylinder engine propels you through a deep ravine, one so rugged only the most ridiculously huge of vehicles can pass.\nNow snap out of it! The reality, according to a 2001 Newsweek article, is that only 5 percent of SUVs will ever be taken off-road. Instead, you and your prized monstrosity will crawl down Third Street, reaching a breakneck speed of 25 miles per hour (on a good day). You'll prowl the Kroger parking lot, looking for a space that can hold all 5 million square feet of your vehicle so that you can run in to get a box of Pop Tarts. But you'll never, ever use your sport utility vehicle to do anything even remotely "sporty." \nSo why do people buy SUVs? It's not because of their impressive fuel economy, that's for sure. Many of the most popular makes, including the Ford Excursion and Jeep Cherokee, only get between 11 and 14 miles per gallon. \nWhile that might be OK for those who enjoy throwing their money away, there is simply no reason for anyone to be driving an SUV around the IU campus. Honestly, folks, we're poor college students, and we're just not living up to that standard. For once, embrace the stereotype and save yourself a few bucks!\nScientists and politicians have been arguing (because that's what they do best) about global warming for years. However, before our very eyes, it has made itself apparent as incidences of severe weather increase and many species, even the cute and fuzzy ones, experience massive die-offs. (That's right. Even Bambi isn't exempt from the harsh realities of global climate change).\nAt this point, we can no longer attribute climate change to sunspot cycles and normal variation in weather patterns. While SUVs are not the sole cause of these catastrophic changes, they certainly don't help the situation. While I'll admit seeing a certain appeal in towering 10 feet over the rest of traffic -- being somewhat height-challenged myself -- they are simply impractical. \nAnd yet some might protest: "But people fear me in my SUV! It's intimidating! It reaffirms my masculinity!"\nTo them, I ask, what, exactly, are you compensating for? Even if you feel no personal responsibility for environmental health, you should at least be able to feel the tightening of your wallets with every fillup of your gas tank. The money spent placating the gas-chugging habits of an SUV could go toward much better things -- like saving the whales or teaching Namibian orphans multivariable calculus.\nAt the very least, the money saved by driving a more fuel-efficient car could purchase several venti lattes at Starbucks, and everyone knows Starbucks makes the world a better place. \nThe bottom line? Friends don't let friends drive SUVs. \nNow if you'll excuse me, I need to get down off of my soapbox -- I have a latte to finish.