Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!

Why Johnny? Why? Why would you attach your name to this pixilated abomination? Why would you lend your voice to a game which can quite literally be played blindfolded (trust me, I tried it). I mean we all make mistakes (cough "The Libertine"), but you should have known better than to get involved in a game whose real function is as part of a corporate marketing strategy. The only possible defense would be if Disney some how snuck it into your contract in the fine print when you hopped on board for the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels.\n"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow" is the kind of game that could only be made by people who have never played a video game in their entire lives. They left out all of the things that make a game fun and left something basically amounts to a $40 commercial. Honestly, putting a $40 price tag on this game might be the most insulting thing done to the American consumer since Abercrombie & Fitch started selling pre-torn jeans (if you own a pair, I hate you).\nThere are some serious problems with this game. The plot makes no sense whatsoever. It is told as a flashback as Jack tells the story of his life just before he is hanged, but then in the middle of the flash back he starts telling another story which then flashes back again. This flashback apparently takes place in China or something which (although my geography isn't what it used to be) I don't believe is actually located in the Caribbean. My favorite plot moment was when, just after saving Keira Knightley's character from a mansion full of evil pirates, the cut scene was Captain Jack saying that now he and his partner Will Turner had to head off to save her from the clutches of evil pirates.\nProbably the most irksome thing about this game is the horrible AI. There is no excuse for a Playstation 2 game to have such bad AI. Both opponents and allies are so poorly programmed that they will just run around in circles for no apparent reason or else just run up to an opponent and wait to get hit. One of my favorite things to do in the game is to stand still in the middle of the battle field and watch seven guys running around like chickens with their heads cut off while my computer controlled partner stands in the middle of the action, sword drawn, just staring like a lobotomized mental patient. \nThis is the kind of game that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but then again it is still better than… um… beating yourself about the head with a frozen banana I guess.