Friendly ghost

If there's anyone with the authority to speak on sunless-tanning, it's me. \nEver since ditching tanning beds and sunbathing for good four years ago (apparently, it's bad for your skin?), I've played a large part in keeping the self-tanning market booming. \nI've tried everything.\nThe journey commenced my senior year of high school -- before prom. With my halter-style dress, I needed my shoulders and back to appear non-transparent (at 16, this was essential). My mom had recently purchased a spray that promised a bronzed-goddess look; I didn't hesitate to slather my limbs with the rotten-citrus-smelling goo. I was orange the next day. Luckily, I had time to scrub the product off my skin prior to the dance.\nMy next attempt at tanning minus cancer-risk came during the summer before I entered college. It was at this time that the spray-tanning option emerged (you know, the thing you saw in that "Friends" episode where Ross became an "eight"). I paid $25 to have a lovely, natural-looking tan for a week -- after which time, I looked, increasingly, like I suffered from full-body eczema. After a good towel rub-down, whatever substance they'd sprayed on my skin was gone. Somehow, my integrity was still intact.\nCan you believe there's more?\nLast summer, following a suggestion from my fifth-grade teacher (because, who doesn't get tanning tips from elementary school teachers?), I tried tantowels , a product I had to special-order from the Home Shopping Network. I actually called the network and ordered ten towels for another 25 bucks, all while wearing house slippers and chewing bon bons on the sofa (not really).\nMy first attempt at using these things was futile. I'd taken a shower prior to wiping my body down with the cloth, and, the next morning, I woke up no more tan than I'd been the night before -- though my skin did smell like rotten milk.\nIt turns out I'd forgotten a step in the "tantowel usage," and after correcting this, they did become mildly effective in achieving a healthy glow. Still, I couldn't shell out tens of dollars every month to perpetually look like I'd just gotten back from Hawaii.\nFinally, for the past few months, I've been using a product that claims to be both a moisturizer and tanner. This works well when I'm patient enough to not move for 10 minutes after application, so it dries. But, as it turns out, I'm typically not.\nThus, I'm going to take it easy on the tanning attempts; I was born to have pasty skin, and that's the way it's going to have to be.\nWhile lighthearted, my words also suggest that -- as much as I actively consume and think critically about it -- I'm manipulated and persuaded by marketers' projected ideas of beauty that, in this case, consistently suggest bronzed skin is essential for attractiveness.\nI'm ready to decide on my own what's beautiful -- pasty skin and all.