Toxic car smell

Everything fun is bad for you. Smoking, drinking, eating sticks of butter -- it's all a health risk.\nPeople are always doing research and whining about it.\nEnvironmentalists are the worst about nagging. \n"Don't start forest fires," they say. "Don't steal endangered sea turtle eggs."\nCan't I have any fun?\nSince they discovered laughter causes cancer and puppies give everyone typhoid fever, the only things left on the list of safe activities are eating graham crackers and watching reruns of "The Golden Girls."\nActually, scratch that. Everybody knows watching "The Golden Girls" carries with it a high risk of botulism. We can only really eat graham crackers, but those things are loaded with preservatives, not to mention the choking hazard. Better not risk it.\nIn today's world, the list of things we can do without hurting ourselves or others is very short. And it just got shorter, thanks to some ecologists in Michigan.\nThe Ecology Center, a Michigan environmental group, says that part of the "new car smell" is toxic.\n"Our research shows that autos are chemical reactors, releasing toxins before we even turn on the ignition," Jeff Gearhart, the Ecology Center's Clean Car Campaign director, was quoted as saying on www.cnn.com.\nWhy does toxic have to be a bad thing? "Toxic" by Britney Spears is a really good song. When will they learn? If it wasn't bad for you, it wouldn't smell good. Take glue for example.\nIf you're like me, you're constantly asking yourself: Why do ecologists want to ruin my life?\nI don't have a lot going for me. "New car smell" was my last hope for joy.\nIf I'm ever rich enough to buy a new car (yeah right, I know), I want it to have that smell. I want to fill the new-car-smell-shaped void within my soul. But ecologists want that void to rage on forever as a dark chasm of new-car-smell-less despair.\nThe Ecology Center's report, "Toxic at any speed," said that PBDEs (fire retardants) and phthalates (used to soften PVC plastics) are found in dangerous levels in dust and windshield film samples.\nFirst of all, what's a PBDE? Peanut butter something, something ... And I can't even pronounce phthalates. All I know is they smell good.\nThe report said the chemicals "have been linked to birth defects, impaired learning, liver toxicity, premature births and early puberty in laboratory animals, among other serious health problems." \nSo guinea pigs are going through that awkward phase a little early. Why do the rest of us have to suffer?\nThe Michigan ecologists are calling for auto manufacturers to phase out the use of these delectable chemicals. Maybe they can recreate the smell using soy.\nI might not be able to pronounce the names of flame retardants, but I do know that having your car catch fire is probably a bad thing. It's a horrible catch-22. Breathe toxic chemicals or die in a fiery death, which would you prefer? Yeah, I pick fiery death, too. I just love the smell so much.\nApparently auto manufacturers have already agreed to phase out two of the three flame-retardant chemicals from the report. According to the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, the third chemical has been studied by the European Union for 10 years and proven safe.\nBut just in case it isn't, grab a box of graham crackers and follow me to the bomb shelter.