So cold it's hot

Ah, the magic of a fresh winter's snow. Upon viewing the world, all quiet and soft, blanketed in white, there's nothing I'd rather do than pick up a .22-caliber rifle.\nI have a theory that winter makes people go mad. Why should anyone act rationally when it's 27 degrees? Cold weather seems to bring out the wacky side in everyone, be they students or Olympic athletes.\nI saw a student the other day -- she looked cold, so cold. The temperature was below freezing and she was crossing the street wearing a denim mini skirt.\nSure, there were furry boots involved, but the most striking feature of this fashion statement was the eerily pallid tone of the exposed skin. I pray, for the sake of your skin tissue and mine, that frostbite-chic is not the next big thing.\nThe half-frozen-to-death look isn't hot. It's obviously cold. I don't think that's the kind of attention you want. Being attracted to someone with hypothermia is perhaps only one step away from necrophilia.\nI've seen students walking to class wearing only T-shirts in below freezing temperatures and there's nothing more hardcore, but what are they trying to prove?\nI admire the spirit of protest in those who lack clothes. Although there's no better way to get right up in Jack Frost's grill than by showing off your blatant disregard for his cold temperatures, wearing a summer ensemble in the bitter cold doesn't actually heat things up.\nIf dressing inappropriately for the cold could really change the weather, I would gladly join your revolution.\nBut the amazing capabilities of the mind are nothing compared to the frosty, evil power of winter. I used to pretend that white stuff on the ground was something better than snow, like powdered sugar, anthrax or cocaine. But much to the dismay of Disney, Willy Wonka, Jim Henson, Barney, a Little Princess, Peter Pan and Mr. Rogers, imagination just isn't that powerful.\nHowever, what is powerful -- and perhaps crazier than a lack of clothing -- is the rifle blast that comes after cross country skiing in the maddest aspect of winter, the Winter Olympics. The biathlon is a demanding combination of cross country skiing and riflery, where competitors shoot targets amidst a ski course -- but why? Why combine skiing and guns?\nIn Norway, the sport was used as a military tactic for defending its borders. But guns in the Olympics?\nI find it frustrating that this "sport" is allowed while the Olympics committee always turns down my great ideas. "Snowball fighting is not a sport," it says. Come on, Olympics committee. What if there was a competition where Winter Olympians tried to see who could build the biggest snowman, and then shot at the \nsnowmen?\nI do know why guns are involved in the Olympics. Good marksmanship requires a great deal of skill in precision and self-control. That's why guns should be incorporated into as many other Winter Olympic sports as possible, such as curling and ice dancing (especially ice dancing).\nIf you see someone prancing around in a mini skirt when it's 27 degrees and/or toting a rifle-ski combo, blame the cold weather madness.