What's left

All semester, I've had a bunch of half-baked column ideas floating around in my head. None were long enough to develop into proper columns, so I'm just going to thrown then all out there in this, the last issue of the semester.\n1. American Express Commercials -- Every time I see one of the new American Express commercials, I feel really cheated. They start off really cool, smoothly move into shots of American Express-using celebrities, and then -- and only then -- do I realize that I'm watching a commercial. Robert DeNiro, Ellen Degeneres, Kate Winslet: the commercials are so slick, I barely notice that I'm watching an advertisement.\nYou know what would make me feel better? Robert DeNiro's, Ellen Degeneres', and Kate Winslet's credit card numbers.\n2. Celebrities and drug use -- I'm not in favor of drugs. I think they do bad things to society, although I acknowledge that our drug laws are draconian. But I want my celebrities drug-addled and strung out. I don't want a junkie sweating in my living room, but I want them in the studio making the next big album or movie. It's not necessary, mind you, but it seems to me that some of these people are a lot better when they're a little hooked. Case in point: rock music. 'Nuf said. I may feel this way because of an inexplicable crushes on Robert Downey Jr. and Trent Reznor. There's no accounting for taste. \n3. Stephen Colbert -- He's finally moved out of Jon Stewart's long shadow. I wasn't sure if "The Colbert Report" could stand on its own two feet, but he's done a great job. I look forward to it every night, although I really don't like that the phrase "You're on notice" has made its way into our vernacular. At any rate, kudos, Stephen. My e-mail address is krwest@indiana.edu. If you're ever in the Midwest, look me up. \n4. "Arrested Development" -- It's been cancelled, and I'm mad. It's smart, it's funny, it's the best show that's ever been pulled from television. The thing I love about "AD" is that I can watch an entire episode without laughing, stand up when it's over, and think "That's the funniest thing I've ever seen." \n5. Kanye West -- We have the same last name. I've long harbored a fantasy that he's a distant cousin, which is perfect, because while I think he's too cocky to be a good boyfriend, I'd really like to hang out with him. We could talk about the Bush administration.\nThat's about it. This is my last issue as editor in chief of the magazine, so thanks for reading. It's been a great semester, and have a great winter break!