Foreign spouses adjust to America

It feels like the first day of school. The air is filled with optimistic tension, as the women and one man sit in a circle and smile awkwardly at each other, waiting. \n"Hi, everybody," said instructor Mary DePew as she bustled into the lounge of the Leo R. Dowling International Center. "I'm sorry I'm late. I got caught in a traffic jam just like in Seoul, Korea, or Tokyo."\nA few faces in the circle break into smiles in recognition of the crowded cities.\n"It normally takes me 15 minutes to get to work, but today it took me 30," DePew said as she got her papers in order. "It's the American way to start earlier­ -- I'm not a good American."\nThat statement is debatable in the eyes of DePew's 21 students for the evening. All are spouses of international students who met for the second time Monday night at the International Center's International Spouse Circle, a group organized by the International Center to help the spouses make friends and improve their English language skills.\n"I'm really feeling good about this group," said the International Center Director and the group's creator Sandy Britton. "I see it as a support group. I know many of them are sitting bored at home."\nThe tension is broken as each member introduces herself, their English coated in thick, musical accents.\n"I'm Nashwa Bassiouny. I'm from Egypt. I came to Bloomington last spring. I'm a graduate student in the School of Education."\n"I'm Saroj Kashwan. I'm from India. I got my master's in economics, and my husband is getting his Ph.D. in (the School of Public and Environmental Affairs)."\n"I'm Ann. I came from Korea with my husband. He's getting his MBA at the Kelley school. I graduated from art school."\nDePew, a former third grade teacher from Washington D.C., moved to Elletsville in 1990, and after a brief period as a photographer, began teaching English classes to international students.\n"Everybody was an eager beaver," DePew said. "Eager to learn. I couldn't believe I could live in Bloomington and meet people from all over the world."\nDePew passed out papers detailing American etiquette in various situations, such as how to talk on the telephone, personal space and social visits. Like in DePew's third grade classroom, each person read a different paragraph, stopping in between for questions.\n"If someone answers the phone and just says 'hi,'" said Xiu Deng, "I don't know if you are Mary or Mary's daughter. What do I say?"\n"People in my neighborhood are very friendly," said Ravit Sarraf. "Strangers say 'Hi, how are you?' How do I know when to say hi?"\nA woman in a red sweatshirt pulls out a silver pocket dictionary and translates the few words she doesn't understand, then softly repeats them to herself, "Hold on please. Hold on please."\nBritton said the group's first meeting had only eight people, so Monday's large number surprised but pleased her. The group's next meeting is 5:30 p.m. Oct. 24 at the International Center.\n"I never thought it would expand this quickly," Britton said. "It's a place where they can talk about practical things and practice their English, which is what I think makes them feel so isolated."\nThe lounge no longer feels like the first day of school, but the last, as the discussion concludes and the group breaks off into small groups exchanging e-mails ready for the group's next meeting.