Women are easy

As suggestions for possible column topics were tossed my way, I was asked by a colleague to do the world, the IU campus and all of woman-kind a favor and impart my teachings onto young men as how to interact successfully with the opposite sex.\nWhile most women readers have already scoffed, some might linger with increasing curiosity. Ladies today have their Cosmo magazines walking them through seemingly any situation that might arise. Who can forget "How to Sound Sexy in the Sack" or "How to Turn Him on in Ten Words or Less?" \nSomething tells me the words "TV remote" and "beer" will mistakenly be excluded from the list. However, quality advice for young males is scarce. Sure, we have our Maxims and our FHMs, but this month's best advice tidbit tells desperate fellas to head straight for the hotel bar. Word to the wise: avoid hotel bars for a potentially embarrassing explanation to your parents why you got arrested for soliciting a prostitute might soon follow. \nIt has come to my attention through extensive interaction with women that many believe men to be romantically hopeless. Awkward, confused and bumbling are some of the adjectives mixed in during their explanations. Where women have been taught and well-versed in the nuances of romance, many men lack the voice to steer them in the right direction. So I have undertaken the arduous task of enlightening the throngs of awkward, confused and bumbling specimens of failed romance.\n- Too many men in a relationship take for granted what they actually have. Remember why you first started dating your girlfriend and make sure she knows how special and important she is to you. Telling your girlfriend she's beautiful/pretty means much more to her than you could ever imagine.\n- Be spontaneous. If you become too predictable some of the excitement might flee. Show up on her doorstep with flowers in the middle of any random day. Cook her dinner when you've made plans to go out. Rent "Pretty Woman." The list is endless, so there's no reason not to deviate from the standard.\n- Women are crazy. Remember this, for it could be the truest statement I make. You can never accurately anticipate her reactions 100 percent of the time. In one instance, she'll laugh and smother you with hugs and kisses, an hour later you'll receive a scowl and a punch in the arm for the same remark. Understand the difference between the time for a joke and the time to shut up and nod. Every man needs a good nod.\n- Mute the TV.\n- Make sure your personal business remains personal. Around college students, stories move swiftly through circles of friends and will eventually find their way back to the unintended. Intimacy will be lost if word gets out and her trust in you might be shaken. Her trust should be cherished and valued above anything. You need to be the person she can turn to at any moment; if you're not, fix the problem. \n- Remember women are always right and don't forget to apologize. "I'm sorry" saves lives.\n- Give yourselves space. There will be times where you just need some time to hang out with the guys or she's gotten so frustrated with you that leaving is usually the best option. She needs her friend time and you need yours, or else you'll isolate yourselves and begin to overkill a good thing. \n- Avoid jealousy. Girls have friends who are guys, and in your head you'll begin to conjure up all sorts of gut-wrenching images. Don't do it. Remember, she's with you for a reason.\nSo I've sandwiched as much info as I could for you. It's far from foolproof, but it beats making a mad dash to the hotel bar.