Plug up the shamelessness

OK, enough already. I'm over it, I can't stand it, and it needs to go away. I'm a fairly reasonable person, but after a while things just start to aggravate me and I have to lash out. So, to the networks that carry sporting events on their channels, stop with the shameless promos.\nFrom the March Madness to the Super Bowl, this trend has gotten out of hand. Fox likes to put the stars of its soon-to-be-canceled shows in the stands at the World Series. The network heads use it as a way to plug their awful programming by making the actors seem like they love baseball, thus connecting them to the viewers. It's pathetic. I mean, has anybody actually watched "House"? During October, I must have seen that promo where Dr. House screams, "You're risking a patient's life!" 2,000 times. I wish I was exaggerating. \nIt wastes precious time that I could be watching actual sports because the networks believe sports fans actually care about other programming. As if the guy who is so into NBA basketball that he is sitting through a Hawks-Jazz game really cares if Don "The Matador" Everest gets taken out by Eddie Towne on the gripping finale of "Tilt." I think I speak for every sports fan when I say, please have some respect for us, the viewers. \nIt's terrible, I think at this point of the NCAA tournament I can recite all of CBS's weeknight lineup. Seriously, if I have to hear Dick Enberg say, "Stay tuned for an all new 'Numb3rs' right here on America's most watched network, CBS," I'm going to cause bodily harm to someone. \nBut hey, in their defense, those 300 TV time-outs per game aren't possibly enough time to fit in all the plugs they have lined up, so really it's a necessity. The funniest moment of the tournament this year was hearing Ian Eagle (no, that's really his name) start laughing as he read the promo for "Spring Break Shark Attack," starring Shannon "and I thought 'The O.C.' had lame plot lines" Lucio. Ian was simply laughing because he was thinking what we were all thinking "Are they serious?" \nOh, the hits keep on coming for CBS. Be prepared to be bombarded during the Masters by ads for its new TV movie, "Locusts." In this sci-fi thriller, it's up to Lucy Lawless to save the world from a bioengineered killer swarm that is three times larger than normal locusts and reproduce at a rate 10 times faster. \nYeah, that's exactly what I want to hear about right before Phil Mickelson blows another major by missing a "gimme" five-foot putt.\nBut since broadcasters have about as much common sense as their network's movie ideas, I know it's going to happen. \nAnd while we're on the subject, I have another complaint (imagine that). Last year I was at home watching my beloved San Diego Padres -- or as I now refer to them, the Los Angeles Padres of San Diego -- on Fox's Sunday baseball. The game was rudely interrupted because some local yahoo decided he should get involved in a high-speed chase with the cops. Great idea, since that always ends well. But the larger point is that most viewers really don't care about some jerk speeding down the highway with 25 cops behind him. We know how this story ends already. So unless the guy played running back for the '73 Bills, don't show it to us.\nI know this is a long, protracted rant, but I've had enough of this. It has worn on me for too long, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. So please, stop plugging your product during my sporting events. I'm tired of it.\nAnd hey, be sure to check out my column next Tuesday in the Indiana Daily Student, America's best college newspaper.