MTV doesn't suck?

Let's get something straight: I hate MTV. I dug it when I was a kid and it actually showed music videos (good stuff like the Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight" and "1979," the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage," Weezer's "Buddy Holly" and Aerosmith's Alicia Silverstone trilogy) or had decent shows like "Beavis and Butt-head," but in recent years it has turned into something else entirely. What's the point of having something called "Music Television" that doesn't show any damned videos? You got me? Thankfully, someone of some modicum of intelligence over at the Viacom-owned corporation saw it fit to remedy the problem. The solution: the newly revamped MTV2.\nNot only does the network now show a substantial amount of videos (specifically those in my favorite genres: rock and hip-hop, as opposed to the teen-pop pap that inundates MTV), but its new shows -- "Wonder Showzen" and "Team Sanchez" -- are wildly entertaining. Taking a cue from SpikeTV (also a Viacom property, whose "MXC" kicks ASS) and the Time Warner-owned Cartoon Network's Adult Swim ("Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and "Family Guy" are essential, and its newest offering, the Seth Green-created "Robot Chicken," ain't half-bad either), MTV2 is reaching out to the young, male audience. As that's me, I'm happier than a kid in a candy store. \n"Wonder Showzen" is the brainchild of Vernon Chatman (former writer on "The Chris Rock Show" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," as well as the voice of "South Park's" Towelie) and some nobody named John Lee. Picking up where sketches seen on "Mr. Show" ("The Altered State of Drugachusetts") and "Chappelle's Show" ("Knee-high Park") left off, "Wonder Showzen" is akin to "Sesame Street" on crack. Its mix of children, puppets, animation, old educational films and content that's equal parts vulgar and subversive is ridiculously refreshing.\nOne of the show's best segments is a little number known as "Beat Kids," with an intro theme that goes as follows: "Kids on the beat, Kids on the street, Beat Kids!, Beat Kids!" As sung by children, it's sickly funny and ironic to say the least. The gist of these skits is placing tykes into the field to compile news reports. One placed a red-headed moppet at a race track, where he interviewed an aging gambler. Their interaction was priceless.\nMoppet: "I can do an impression of you, wanna see?"\nMan: "You can do an impression of me? Let's see it."\nMoppet: "Gamble, gamble, gamble, gamble, die."\nOther munchkins asked Wall Street traders who they'd exploited that day. A butcher is queried, "Who pays for all this ... I mean, spiritually?"\nWere this stuff to come from adults we'd come off as assholes (see Tom Green, et al), but since it's coming from children it's not only comedic but creepy as well.\nAnother skit, entitled "Funny, Not Funny," shows a series of images in which a bevy of kids dub the photos "funny" or "not funny." My favorite depicts video of an unconscious child being pulled from a swimming pool, to which the kids holler: "Not funny!" The show's creators -- masterminds that they are -- then run the footage in reverse, so it looks as though the lifeguard/parent/etc. is dumping the body back into the pool. Obviously, the kids proclaim this one "Funny!" Yeah, I'm going to hell for laughing at this stuff.\nOther highlights include a "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" send-up in which munchkins are asked "What is Heaven?" One kid replys: "When you order six Chicken McNuggets and get seven ... and a switchblade," another says she'll never know with sincere sadness. The kids' trip to a hot dog factory in which processed meat is shown coming out of the grinder's nozzle in a fashion reminiscent of defecation spurs comments ranging from: "That's what my dog did ... in my hands" to "That's what my grandma did on the coffee table." Vietnam vets are sent-up as homeless drunkards in a cartoon "G.I. Joe" spoof and puppets not only have gay sex -- they prove God fallible, to which he shoots himself and they gorge on his remains. Obviously, you can tell whether the show would interest, entertain or amuse you based on the above description. Most would be sickened by it; I, sick bastard that I am, find it hilarious. I'll be damned, and probably already am, if this stuff isn't funny.\nNext up is "Team Sanchez," a European take-off on "Jackass," where three Welshmen and a Londoner one-up Johnny Knoxville and Co. by hammering nails through their skin into two-by-fours, jumping on snow shovels propelling them into someone else's nuts, sitting naked in snow for prolonged periods of time and shooting one another at point-blank range with paintball guns while wearing jockstraps. There's not much else to say about the show, other than it's really entertaining and will undoubtedly please fans of "Jackass." A nice addition to the daredevil formula involves interviews with these maniacs' families, friends and girlfriends. All in all, this is the nicest dirty "Sanchez" anyone will ever experience.\nSurely, MTV is still evil for unleashing Carson Daly upon the world (which in turn spurred the fast-growing, petri dish-scraping spawn otherwise known as Ryan Seacrest). Other atrocities include giving the Simpson sisters, Paris Hilton ("House of Wax" won't be scary, the notion of this blonde bimbo having a film career is), losers looking to get "Made," Ashton Kutcher's gullible celebrity pals and steroidal "Real World/Road Rules" rejects face time. Thank God that MTV2 is around to pick up the slack and make minute amends. Hell, they're even showing worthwile videos like Weezer's "Beverly Hills," Kings of Leon's "The Bucket," the Arcade Fire's "Rebellion (Lies)" and the Kaiser Chief's "I Predict a Riot." Toombs out.