Kinsey Confidential

Question:\nMy boyfriend has been bugging me about going down on me. I feel uncomfortable about this because when I shaved my pubic hairs, my skin looked dry and was peeling. What could be the reason for this? There was no discharge. I just don't want him to think I have a disease.\nAnswer:\nThere are several possible reasons for your dry, peeling skin including irritation (from soap, shower gel, shaving cream or laundry detergent), razor burn (reduce this risk by shaving in the same direction as hair growth) or simple dryness. These might be exacerbated now that you have less pubic hair and your genital skin is more vulnerable and exposed. Checking in with your healthcare provider or a dermatologist might help you understand more about your specific situation. \nIt sounds like you also have some more general concerns that relate to your comfort and interest in oral sex and your communication with your boyfriend.\nWhile many people enjoy receiving oral sex, not everybody does. Some don't feel ready for it, or else they feel awkward, self-conscious, pressured to have an orgasm or simply don't think it feels good (physically or emotionally). If you don't want to have oral sex (either giving or receiving), then don't have it. Many college students (and older adults) decide it's not for them, and there's nothing wrong with that decision. Part of developing a healthy sexuality is discovering what does -- and doesn't -- feel right to you and making choices based on that.\nThat said, some women and men want to overcome their negative feelings about oral sex, even if they're not interested in trying it for a long time (or ever). If that's true for you, ask yourself what you're feeling uncomfortable about and deal with those concerns.\nMany women have been subjected to terrible messages about female genitals -- for example, that they smell, taste or look bad. Consequently, they might feel pressured to have a certain vaginal smell or style of pubic hair to feel attractive. \nOthers become comfortable with their genitals as a result of learning more about bodies and sexuality. This education might come from a human sexuality class, book (such as "Femalia," "The Vagina Monologues" or "The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health"), Web site (such as the genital art gallery at www.bettydodson.com), healthcare provider, partner or friends.\nRegarding communication skills, why do you think your boyfriend is "bugging you" about oral sex? Have you asked him (nicely) to stop? You might let him know that while you appreciate his interest in pleasing you, you would prefer to find another means of pleasure and that, should your feelings change, you'll let him know (he doesn't need to keep asking).\nCommunication might also play a role in your concern about your boyfriend seeing your skin. People frequently experience skin reactions to shaving, waxing or bathing. However, because rates of sexually transmitted infections are particularly high among college students, it's understandable that you're concerned about his misinterpreting your skin irritation as an STI.\nTry being perfectly honest with him -- perhaps, "I know you've been wanting to perform oral sex on me, so I shaved. Unfortunately, I had a skin reaction." If you get checked out by a healthcare provider (which we recommend), you can let him know what you learned about the likely cause of your skin reaction.\nIt's a good opportunity, too, to discuss your comfort with oral sex. This might mean saying, "I'm not ready," "I'm not into that," "I'm excited to do that, but right now my skin is irritated -- let's wait", or "How do you feel about the natural look, or trimming rather than shaving?" (not shaving might be more comfortable for you, anyway). These are examples; you need to consider your own feelings and decide what's true for you. Talking about sex can feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with practice -- and it can greatly enhance your sexual experience. Good luck!\nKinsey Confidential is a service of The Kinsey Institute Sexuality Information Service for Students at IU. Visit the Web site at www.indiana.edu/~kisiss